I’ve felt, for some time now, that my path is going to shift. Career-wise. I thought maybe I just needed to try a different approach, take more control, make more money…and that did help. But I had sort of a mental break/through yesterday and I really know that doing hair full time is not what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.

It IS something that I will do for the rest of my life. I will keep my license and do family and friends. I’d like to be able to work three evenings a week to keep a select few clients. But that’s getting the cart before the horse.

I don’t know WHAT exactly I’m doing to do. And that poses many questions and lot’s of grief from The Voices in my head. I know my strengths are working with people, with the public. I’m easily trainable. I can write. I’ve had many experiences in my work history to show how adaptable my strengths are. I’m going to work on a resume….and just pray about it.

For right now, I’m still doing Job 2 at the oil and gas office. I’ll work as much there as possible, while doing my clients.

My mental breakdown/through came yesterday when I realized I had a full day of clients, and got to work and had one morning haircut, then nothing untill the evening. Just a full day of cancellations/postponements. Oh, and I’ve been so frazzled doing everything and nothing well, that I totally forgot to pay the middle of the month’s bills last month. I’ve never ever ever been late on a car payment. Ever. So I got everything paid, got money deposited. Robbing Peter to pay Paul a little but will still manage to send the payoff check for my computer to Roger next week.

I can’t stand the instability. I’m 40 years old. I need to know what my paycheck is going to be each month. I need something with benefits. I need to get something into a retirement account. And it’s all making me absolutely crazy. Hot crazy Charlie Sheen mess.

But I don’t want to leap into just anything because it’s a “stable job” I want to make sure it’s the right move. And the job climate isn’t the most friendly for this kind of ridiculousness so I’ve got that going against me. And I’ve worked so hard over the last six years, building a clientele, continuing education, all of it. It’s stressful. But I know I have got to do something different.

so there’s that. I’m not really doing much else in life other than working, working out, coming home. I’m not in the mood to be social much, saving money, finding cheap or free things to do. I haven’t been to the bar since Superbowl. Everyone thinks it’s because of the “friend drama” but really it’s because I have no interest in spending money and drinking calories.

once again, I am here.
I find no comfort in this place. I find no excitement. Just…here I am again. Why can’t I just stick with anything? Where am I supposed to be? I sure as hell don’t know.

on the bright side, it’s going to be 73 today. I’m going to the office for all the day. I do have one haircut around the lunch hour. it’s a new day.

Yesterday was a crazy one. I was up way early to take Lynn to the airport, then work out then hit Job 2 for 8 hours. I ran to pick up a birthday gift then right to the celebrations for Pseudo Sis 2! Alas, no time to post anything here, and you can see by my last entry four days ago.

Alas, Pseudo Sis 2 is another year more fabulous. We gathered for presents and then caravaned to PF Changs for some nosh and fun. We had a few crazy moments, as we always do. Poor Huddy grabbed a crispy green bean and before noshing on that, dipped it in the HOT MUSTARD….ohhhh nooooo! And because we were a big top and of course our waiter had been double sat, so only one person at the table actually had any liquid to help the kid out! Poor Grandma Betty’s water then got knocked over. We were opening splenda packets to put on his tongue. I got some random waiter to get us some milk….crazytimes! But that’s a night with family, and while I’m sad for the kiddo’s pain, I wouldn’t change a thing.

She’s got a busy busy life, that is about to get busier with the season, so when we can find some time together we grab it. I’m looking forward to a Sunday afternoon on a patio with her very soon.

Happy Belated Birthday Maegen I hope this next year brings you more of what you’ve already got…Bliss!

Friday ended the week with a wonky twist. I was pretty much sideways for awhile, and then really disappointed because plans got cancelled…But the weekend has steadily improved!

It was a busier week at the salon, which meant time at Job 2 was minimal. Turns out this was the week that the Big Wig was in town, and my lack of presence was known. The comment was made, that “we may need someone who can work more hours”. Of course, I immediatley panicked PANIC!! END OF THE WORLD. NO MORE EXTRA MONEY. DEATH. PESTILENCE. DYING. BLACK NIGHTS….drama queen.

Here’s the thing. My focus, for now, is on my salon business. I’ve invested a lot of time and money into this, and while it’s not the most stable of jobs, and I honestly can’t tell you that I want to retire from doing it, it is my focus. The wedding season is gearing up, I’ve got one shift in March, but it’s going to be a busy busy season. If I can work out a schedule to help in the office, and not hurt my other job, and not drain my own self, I will hopefully continue the work. But I really honestly think they need someone who can do about 20-40 hours a week to help get caught up. And I’m not that girl. I don’t have that kind of extra time. I think that if I give up my Monday’s off, that I will eventually become a very bad human. It seems trivial, but most of you don’t work Saturdays. This would only give me one day. Sunday. And a lot of my bartending shifts are on Sunday. So…we’ll see. We’ll just see. If it works out that I can help, can actually HELP at the office, and it works out? Great! But if not, it’s NOT the end of the world as we know it and I won’t have to sell the house and go live in a homeless shelter. *drama queen*

I’ve been doing a lot of praying. Meditating. Talking to God about what to do with this whole grown up/career/money making thing. I don’t have any answers. But I assure you, I’m searching for one. I’ll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, Lynn’s flight from Wyoming got cancelled due to weather. Which means our night at Mahogony got cancelled. For the second time. DANGIT!!! But she’s back in the 405 and we’ve got fabulous plans for the Oscars tonight! IT”S MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!! I’ve got two bottles of bubbly chillin in the fridge. I’m super excited!

Last night was spent eating mounds and mounds of sushi, and celebrating Chris and Cindy’s new adventure. There were a few goodbyes, and a few more tears. I will see them before they leave for good. Right now we’re all just super excited to see where they will live, what the details will be, etc. It’s gonna suck big ones when they’re gone, but I had my big fat meltdown when I found out they were moving. I know I’ll cry when they leave, but just because I love them so so much. The Jen’s and I already have plans to trip it in August. Xanadu the musical is playing at a fabulous theatre up there and we’re a going!!!

I’m sippin my hot coffee, watching CBS Sunday Morning. Loving my one day off. Takin’ it easy breezy.

Shout out to my cousin Patrick. Pat. He got engaged to his lovely Toni whilst road trippin in Phuket. I’m the only one that has yet to meet the dear girl, but if she’s willingly leaping into this family tree, with the lot of us nuttier than squirrel poo, then she’s alright by me!

Snot. Sinus. Lack of mobility in the neck area. Not great sleep, but better than previous weeks.

Whatever the frack tree pollen is in the air, hopefully the great rains we had today washed it away. I do feel better. I’ve been to see Mc Cracken twice and he wants to see me once this weekend. I love that I’ve known my chiropractor since I was a sophomore in high school. He also treated my sinus stuff. I have suppliments and the neti pot. Did I tell you that my claritin was expired? I have new zyrtec so it’s all good. I got a massage from my therapist at work and holy hell, by tomorrow? I will be good as new!

Through it all, I’ve managed to get a workout done three out of the four days, and plan on hitting it tomorrow morning. The loss on Monday was so inspiring, I just want more. I’ve got several things on the calendar this year, something fun each month starting in April, and I just want to feel cute, and feel GOOD! woohooo.

what else? fracken weather. low of 28 tonight and brrrrrrr.

It’s a big weekend. Lynn is coming home, and we’ve got plans. Also, Chris and Cindy’s final feast is Saturday. We’ll send them off with laughter and sushi. That’s good, right? right.

jeez. this weeks Parenthood is killing me.

ok. I’m officially boring. peaceout

Diana’s wedding dress is on the Today show this morning…all these years later, and I’m a puddle. There are very few of you still in my life that understand my love of her…

Where does it come from??? JEEZlouise. Woke up in the middle of the night too hot, coughing, no breathing…Mucinex. Neti Pot. OH YEAH, did I tell you? the 90million hours of 24 hour claritin that I was taking??? expired in 09. GAH. So at my weekly fruit buying trip to Sams, I picked up some Zyrtec. Lot’s of water, liquids, 1 Point Progresso chicken soup.

I don’t FEEL bad, per se, but I can feel my system being dragged down a titch. If I was in worse shape, I’d be bedridden for a few days, for sure.

As it was, I got a lot done. weighed in, lost 2lbs, headed to Sams for my weekly fruit supply and some new meds, went to KoKo to get my workout in, then home and I didn’t move until this morning. I’m feeling better today. So much snot. Seriously, what the hell??? gross. I’m going to Job 2 then banging some hair tonight then working out. Focused. Ready. Attack.

Sidenote…My best good friend Trish, who seriously, if we’d been this close during high school..we’d have been in Truh-uh-uh-ble. Welp, we’re live music lovers. She’s got more lined up for herself than I do, but we are seeing Wilco in May, we’re giving SERIOUS thought to going to Wakarusa this June. What is that you ask? It’s a three or four day music festival. We will be camping. (I will be borrowing my sister’s equipment as I turned in my camping badge years ago, however it’s in my dna. I’m not scared) and seeing eleventy million bands. Go here and look!

Her husband is deployed right now, so we’re just kind of feeling him out, seeing if he’s game. I’ll keep you posted!

Meanwhile, there’s a cat under my house caterwauling. I don’t know if Stormy has someone cornered down there in his kill room, or if it’s just a mouthy beast. Whatever, I want it OUT so that I can put the vent back on. It sounds like something out of a Disney movie down there. a DARK Disney movie.

Have a great day, ya’ll. I’m hitting the showers and heading to the office!

I lost! I lost! I lost!
and I had some sort of funky onset of a cold binging last night so I was worried…but I lost.
this:

Welp, this loverly weather we’ve been blessed with,71 yesterday that went away with 40 degree and winds this morning, has wrecked havoc with my sinus/allergy issues. GROSS.

I started with the ear itchy, sniff sniff drippy yesterday during a performance of High School Musical. (sidebar, I went down to watch Trisha’s youngest in her first trip to the boards. She was a Braniac in HSM. and was just fabulous! also, Trish and I had ourselves a little moment of painful longing for the kid singing the lead. It was all I could do to not leap onstage and finish singing with him…sheesh)

The itchy ear, scratchy throat, sneezy sneezy sneezy. Seriously. I took about 96 hours worth of 24hour Claritin yesterday. Also found some sinus meds. Woke up about 3 am and did the Neti Pot which did help. I have to say, this sucks. Just a general level of miserable. It does explain why I was in bed before 9pm both Friday and Saturday nights. Just sooo tired.

Tried a new church with my friend Julie yesterday. It was a flop. Totally dry and I almost fell asleep…however, we will keep looking for a place that we like. It was a start…

BIG SHOUTOUT TO Noodle, daughter of Gert, who has been cast in OUR TOWN. The community theatre in our hometown is back up and running and that kid is going to be in the premiere production! I am SO proud. So so so proud. I can’t wait to see her onstage!!!

ok kids. Happy President’s Day. Peaceout.

Celebrate people! It’s Friday for the Normals! (means nothing to me really other than Saturday is close but I still celebrate!) The world is beautiful outside! Kizz is aaaaaaaaaalllllllmmmmmmooooossssssstttttt to China after flying for eleventybillion hours. I’m booked at the salon today, bangin hair, making people feel good!

Finally got some good sleep last night, it was 80 degrees yesterday and just warm enough in the house to turn on the ceiling fan, woo hoo. That’s just perfect.

Tonight and this weekend’s plans are loose. I know I’ll workout tonight. Might go to opening night of a play, may just come home and veg. I bought my onion sets yesterday! I’m so excited! Dork, I know. I also am going to put in some radish, spinach, more brussel sprouts. We’ll see what comes up. The last time I did onions, we had a hail storm that destroyed EVERYTHING. Gah. Such is the way of the Oklahoma Gardener. It will feel good to get outside and work in the yard, get my hands in the dirt.

I’ve discovered some hysterical video on the Youtube. Please. Do yourself a favor. Watch this and have a laugh.

It’s not about falling, it’s about getting up.

I’ve been getting up a lot lately. I suppose that IS the lesson, and the victory. Getting up.

The KokoFit is working out for me. I’m excited. The script is marinating in my brain and gurgling out onto the computer bits at a time. I’m good with that. It’s all pretty raw…in great need of polishing…but it’s gurgling.

Had some nice facetime with LT last night, which always makes my heart feel better. This weather? 80 degrees today. Jeez louise. Ridiculous.

I’m going to go buy my onion sets and get them in the ground this weekend…today…tomorrow. Sometime.

I don’t have much else to report. Just focusing on getting up.

getting up.