It’s been a crazy week…which I suppose should quit surprising me. It is, after all, MY life! But DAMN.

The dishwasher debacle did work itself out. I didn’t have any clients booked until the evening so I was home most of the day, which felt wonky. But this is how my life works now. It’s ok.

Today is the first really busy day I’m going to have, and I’m worried about having all the things I need. Worried about the right colors, bla bla bla. The thing that is still really buggin me is the receptionist/software they use to keep track of my clients. It’s just sub standard. It’s so different from what I’m used to. I picked this shop because they did have a receptionist who would book for me, so that I wouldn’t have to call or be interrupted in the middle of an appointment by clients calling…

It’ll work out. It’s just a lot to keep track of.

I’m looking into an iPad. Specifically to keep track of my clients, their information, color formulas, dates of services bla bla bla. Doing research now. Who knows what will happen with that but I need to get all this information streamlined now. I wish I had a programmer in my life!

Tonight though, I get to put all of this aside and go hang out with my PseudoSisters. We’re going to see Sugarland in concert. It’s an outdoor venue and it’s gonna be awesome! We’ve been looking forward to it for months and now it’s finally here! That makes me happy. And happy is what it’s all about!

the first day was fine.

most people were nice. some just were busy. that’s ok. it’s been a long time since I’ve had a first day. I don’t ever have to live that day again. Onwards and upwards.

today was supposed to be a great start with my brand new dishwasher being installed. turns out, it won’t fit because the yahoos that owned this house previously did a half assed tile job in the kitchen and the old dishwasher won’t come out. so. now. my shiny new dishwasher is back at Lowes, sitting with my name on it waiting for me to get 6 tiles removed.

i’ve called a guy. he’s coming over in an hour. an estimate and perhaps removal tools. we’ll see. it’d be really great if he could bust those out and charge me about 20 bucks to do it and the dishwasher would come back and get installed. that’d be really great.

First day at the new salon. I went yesterday to set up my station. I bought color and supplies and set those up too. The place is a shithole right now and that is really disappointing but we can see through the construction and hopefully wrap it up and be working in a beautiful space soon! I have two or three clients today…all night long I kept running a list of things I need to get. On loop. Things I forgot yesterday.

Color brushes

plastic caps.

gloves

foil

my roll tray

mens color.

make confirmation calls.

Lot’s going on in my brain today.

It’s a super busy social week as well. There’s something every night except for tomorrow, so this will start off October with a bang. I want to get some mums and put them in the ground, set out my scarecrows.

But first…it’s time to giddy up. We’ve got a whole new chapter to begin today.

Thanks for coming along for the ride. I love you. And I love George Clooney.

Today was the first day I didn’t wake up crying.

Last night was the first night I slept since last week.

I know it has to do with processing and working through the emotion…But I claim it has everything to do with being surrounded by friends. One of my friends said to me this week, “do not surround yourself with needy people this week” Best advice ever. I followed it yesterday and surrounded myself by the kind that filled me up. Listened. Laughed with me. Brought their strong shoulders for me to lean on and guacamole.

I also think it has everything to do with sitting around a fire and just letting it all go.

healing.

Have you seen that movie? Not a really great one…but apparently something about it stuck with me. Gweneth. That guy from Four Weddings and a Funeral. Sliding Doors.

I think life is like the sliding doors on an elevator in a big shiny building.

Opening. Closing. Up. Down. Stall. Stuck. Alarm. Bell. Unstuck. Down. Up.

Another me. Another set of doors. Another floor.

Who knows what would have happened. No tour. Cupcakes. Little League. Marathons. Master’s Degree. Who knows what would have happened.

I feel like I missed it though. And this week has served quite a hefty helping of nanny nanny boo boo look what you could have had. I feel like I missed it. Completely.

I don’t dislike the prizes behind door number 1 however. That life has been amazing. Full. And driving home tonight, I was listening to a mixed tape (because I keep them. and my car has a tape player. dont be jealous) that Chrome made me when I lived away. . .

Take me back to New Orleans and drop me at my door cuz I might love you yea but I love me more.

It’s still true.

Sliding doors. Everybody in? Watch your fingers.

going up.

How do you spend three months in a place, and have it change your life?

How do you meet people that you never knew before in that place, and for 12 weeks exchange pieces of your hearts that will keep you connected for the rest of your life?

How do you leave that place without leaving a piece of yourself there?

Yesterday was beyond difficult. And it was as easy as anything I’d ever done. It was at times awkward and uneasy, yet it was like going home. It was filled with faces unseen in 13 years…without a moment missed. It was forever goodbyes. And forever I love you’s.

And as I drove away, leaving my very own trail of tears across the three hour drive, I thought, I wish…I WISH I had known then how special that summer was so that I could have been MORE present. So that I could have lived each day better and bigger. I could have made MORE memories and held on tighter…and then I realized that really? That’s impossible. Because we did. We few, we couldn’t have lived brighter had we tried. It’s the exact reason those memories are so indelible, and the ink still so vivid. We shared our lives. We shared our pain. We shared our hearts in that town with those people.  And they shared theirs with us. Forever connected. Footprints on our hearts. WE WERE HERE.

Our friend, Choogie, said to Mike and I as we were at the gravesite, “that’s so and so. remember him? he did bla bla bla. That’s so and so. he’s the cousin of bla bla. Remember him?”

Some names I knew. Mike knew more, as he was there 3 times to my 1 for the summer drama. I told Choogie, that I really, just remembered us. We few. To which he responded,  ” so many come into our circle for such a short time and we forget. But there are those, we never forget. Always in our circle.”

As I drove away, Mike heading East, I going West. . . leaving Boyd there as I have done every single time…those words were with me.

Always in our circle. Merely miles apart. We are here.

Another highly emotional day. Last night was full of late night texts and trading information about the funeral service. Basically, all I had was the funeral home. When I woke up this morning, and still couldn’t find any sort of information regarding the service, or an obit or anything, well I pulled my best Nancy Drew and just called the place.

The family was having a viewing today, and the service will be tomorrow, however it was closed to only family and close friends. The family had requested that people contact them directly. Well. That’s great but I needed a contact number. I gave my name and phone number to the man, all the while picturing Peter Krause or Michael C. Hall (pre Dexter of course) on the other end.

A few minutes later I was on the phone with Boyd. (a.k.a. the man who wore the subway token) We cried. And talked over each other. And cried. And made plans to speak longer tonight, but the gist was, the funeral was merely a service out in the country. Rance will be buried out on his grandmother’s land, with a few people speaking then a pastor closing things up. No big brouhaha. Rance requested something like this about three years ago and his father is honoring his request. Boyd wanted me to be at the graveside, he said Rance would have wanted it too, so I will be going. The time was earlier than I’d anticipated, which meant moving my 9:30 client to Friday. So yeah…today wasn’t really my last day. Neither will tomorrow be. sigh.

I bought a dress for the funeral. My friend Lynn, met me, pulled dresses, put me in a dressing room and a few minutes later we walked out with the perfect dress. for 6.00. She’s a brilliant shopper that one. It’s pressed. My toes are painted. I have finally quit crying for consecutive minutes…

I wish I could describe the connection that I have with this family of men. It was 13 years ago, but it seems like yesterday. There is so much love, and hope and dreams that just didn’t come true tied into all the memories of the magic that did…I weep for those dreams as much as I weep for Rance. I weep for the what if’s and the maybe’s just as I weep for Boyd and the loss of his baby.

Underlying all of this is saying goodbye to the salon. And figuring out what I need to get ready for Tuesday. And my mind is whirling.

And for the first time in a month, tonight, I really really really wanted to smoke. I wanted that comfort and that charge that goes through your body when you light up. But. I just chewed a piece of gum instead.

almost exactly the same.

So here we go. To sleep, to wake to a day that was supposed to be my last. To a day that will be the end of Rance’s journey. But also to a day full of hellos and I love yous and beginnings.

the circle, dontcha know.

Today is my last real day of clients. I have two tomorrow morning, but will motor out as SOON as I’m finished and head to the funeral. No goodbyes no bla bla’s nothing. So for all intents and purposes, today is my final day. I have some clients coming in, I think we’re having a little snacky potluck…it’s all good.

I had a lunch meeting with a friend of mine that has done boothrent for eons. I got some great tips, good notes about ordering, and record keeping, from him. I feel good about that.

Here’s what I need.

Quickbooks for Mac. (it’s pretty freaking expensive, from what I found…anyone out there have thoughts about a different version, or one that doesnt cost 200 bucks?)

Open my business accounts. (I will do that this afternoon or morning before I go in depending on my schedule)

Referral Cards…I think I need to print my own at first until things get settled at the salon. anyone have ideas where this can happen for a decent price?

Go buy my initial color/supply stock. (probably Friday or Monday)

Here’s another little glitch. And it’s not a glitch, it’s just different. The receptionist doesn’t do confirmation calls. My clients are used to that…Soooo I suppose I will take care of doing that for the first few weeks…gah. Also, they don’t keep the formulas/past history of the clients on the computer. People keep it in a book or a recipe box. To me…this is very Truvy’s Cut & Curl. I want something on the computer. I found an app called MyClient…for iPad/iPhones. I could keep all my client’s info, then if I went anywhere, it would be right there. Initially, there would be the work of entering all the data, but once I had it, when a client comes in, all I’d have to do is pull it up and update. I looked into software for my laptop such as SalonBiz and SalonBiz Light (which is free) but it doesn’t support Mac’s. damnit.

The iPad has always interested me, but only really as an eReader and shiny toy. Now…I can see how I would use it every single day.

Thoughts about this? Yes. I could write it off in taxes. I could. I’m going to ask around to my friends that have one and see just exactly what they think of it.

did I go off track? sorry. So much in my brain.

I need to go look for something to wear to the funeral tomorrow. I really don’t have any dressy clothes anymore…I do have a black wrap dress…but I look like a sausage in a casing. I think I will go to Target or Wal Mart or Ross and see what they’ve got.

Mandrea got all her stuff unpacked yesterday! Her room looks SOOO GOOD! Mine pales in comparison. I need some curtains. seriously.

welp. I just followed a trail of feathers and found a mess under my damned bed. Gotta get some cleaning done this morning, apparently.

Hey…it’s Humpday. Let’s all try to breathe through it today. I love you. I love George Clooney

There was a summer, many moons ago, that was filled with equal parts tragedy and bliss. There were new faces in my life, many hello’s and sadly, there were goodbye’s. I had my first professional job as an actor. My marriage dissolved. I lived in a one room motel. I made friends forever. There was hacky sack. And late night swims. And hot afternoon naps. And volleyball. And picnics by the river. It was brilliant. We got to play dressu p for two hours a night and get paid for it…and the other 22 hours in the day were ours to waste away as desired.

This weekend, all of those memories were brought back to me with the news that one of those new faces…passed away suddenly. To me, he will always always be that 8 or 9 year old kid, running around like a wildcat. Poking things with sticks. Catching snakes. “come look at my dog! touch his tail. it’s thick!” He was brighter than the sun and had more smiles than a circus.

It was his dad, that wore the subway token for three years. . . that I found about three weeks ago and began wearing again.

I’m going to the funeral on Thursday. It’s my last day at work, but I’m going to finish my morning and head out. I’ll go back on Friday to clean out stuff and say goodbyes. This is more important. My heart is breaking wide open. To me…he will always be that kid, running around acting a fool.

I wish you peace, my sweet child.

This is the last Friday I will work at Duncan Brothers Salon. The last Friday I will scurry to find something black to wear. I’m ok with this. The buildup to the change has been drawn out. I’m ready to leap forward and start swimming in it.

I’m busy all day, then heading to Tulsa to have a mini vacay with the fam. I’ll be back this weekend sometime…

I hope your Friday is full of fun and laughter. Find a little peace and time for your brain to be happy.