I took the day off today to help give a baby shower for one of my friends from high school. Yeah. Late bloomer. Whatever. She is just the most amazing mother I’ve ever seen and I’m all for adding more babies to the group! So we gathered for a brunch shower and laughed at all the little girls, and oohd and aaahd over presents and shed a few tears and then chased them away with laughter.

It was beautiful.

As I drove away, sweet Alli’s voice of “Iloveyou!!!” ringing in my ears, I just was overwhelmed with this feeling of peace. . . of grace. How blessed am I to have these fabulous people who are so generous with their families and love. How blessed.

It was just an amazing way to start the weekend.

I got new tires for The Bike! Tubes with goo and new tires with some different tread and I’m excited! I’m going to have a nice morning ride tomorrow.

My handyman installed new front and back doors at my house today, too. My backdoor is a sliding glass door. And the original installation was janky. Everything those people touched in this house…just janky. It wasn’t even locking anymore, and you could see where it wasn’t even closing. . . there goes that a/c! So. I decided before school starts to get a new one. My front storm door is a solid glass door. No screen. Now, it has a screen. It totally changes the look of my front porch, the red door isn’t really visible but I could care less about that. The back door is in. It locks. But because of aforementioned jankiness he’s got to come back tomorrow and then finish the whole thing Tuesday. But…it’s done. And it’s secure. And it’s more efficient. And I feel good about that.

It’s Saturday night, I’m home watching movies and thinking about straightening things up around here, throwing in some laundry, changing the sheets…and I’m just happy not to have to go anywhere, be anywhere, do anything. I’m happy.

I was on the phone with my friend Mike two nights ago. We text and talk just about weekly, especially during the summer months as we like to rehash the week’s episode of True Blood. Mike and I have been friends since ’97 and he is part of my heart. He and his wife have been trying to sell their house. It’s a bad financial deal and they just need need NEED to sell…

Two months on the market and things were getting desperate. When we were talking he mentioned forward motion…that was a goal.

“you know when you’re stuck in traffic, and you switch lanes only to go just another car length, or just a mile or two faster than you were…it just makes you FEEL better about it? You’re not necessarily going to get to the destination faster, but because you are in motion, your head wraps around it and you just feel better.”

We talked of his plans for his family and their forward motion, and seriously, I think the house heard us talking. I think we aligned our mojo and threw it at the situation.

They got an accepted offer on their house last night.

It got me to thinking, though…about Forward Motion as more than just a phrase tossed out in a conversation and more about how it applies as a life theme.

Newton’s First Law of Motion states:

 

I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

There are the obvious connections, the bike riding, moving the furniture and clutter around and out of my space, the grad school thing, taking the next steps in life…but think about it a little deeper.

Or better yet, think about the opposite.

When we’re stuck.

It’s so easy to get stuck.

My personal sticking point is usually first and foremost my weight. I struggle with it. I know who I am and what I really look and feel like inside this body, and I can do amazing things to counteract and continue forward motion in regards to it…but one little somethin, one little external force…a bad Christmas, a dismal lonely winter, bills and fear of money and how I manage it, insecurity and loneliness and desperation, a fight with someone I regarded as a true friend…any of those things can stop me in my tracks. Road blocks. And the only path that I can walk leads right to the fridge or the drive through or to the wine rack.

Then it becomes a vicious circle. The weight makes me feel ugly and unloveable and like I will never have a healthy relationship again…and those Voices are in four part goddamned harmony, singin’ out louise, and I eat and drink to drown them.

Stuck.

In a circle.

Look kids! Big Ben! Parlament!

And then, with a little forward motion, and perhaps a change of scenery…the circle is broken. It comes in the most secret times of the day. The darkest times of the night, but it comes.

And clarity can return, bit by bit.

And MY voice becomes more resonant and clear than The Voices, and begins to drown them out.

It’s just a kernal. . . an idea planted.

It’s just a step. . . five minutes to breathe gratefully by yourself.

It’s eating a vegetable. . . drinking water.

It’s just a car length ahead. . . a mile or two faster.

Forward Motion.

It’s become a touch stone for me this week, I think, because it’s attainable.

An object that is in motion tends to stay in motion…the trick is staying in motion. Knowing how to maneuver around the road blocks, navigate through the traffic.

It’s just a car length ahead. . . a mile or two faster.

 

Taking full advantage of my free weekends, I had one that was just chock full of goodness. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night…all spent with friends. I’m just stockpiling all the energy that I’ve been running so low on this year…yesterday I spent the entire day on the couch/in the bed napping/ back on the couch. I only went out for foodstuffs once. . . until the storm blew through.

We had crazy ass 70 mph winds, hail, sideways rain. The electricity went off and on and off and on. It was scary a little in that I had no tv. The a/c seemed to be acting a fool last night, but eventually it went back to work and cooled the house.

Today involves getting laundry done, grocery shopping, a client this afternoon, and then to school to finish off the last bits of enrollment, i.e. books, parking sticker, et al.

The storm brought in some cool weather. It’s only getting to 99 here today and the world seems a better, nicer place. I know it can’t keep it up forever. It has to break eventually. . . right?

I should’ve been on my bike this morning but SP is still holding it hostage. That’s on my list too. Get the bike back.

Have a day, ya’ll.

 

Life is like riding a bicycle – in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.  ~Albert Einstein

 

I’ve been muddling over the idea of this new bike riding venture as a metaphor for my new life. The whole idea of forward motion, moving into the New, leaving the Old in the rear view…there are lot’s of things to take into consideration when you’re on a bike. Balance is the biggest thing I struggle with, and if you’ve read here for any amount of time you know that it’s a struggle that permeates my entire life. I strive daily to get it together. Keep it in line. Keep moving. Keep moving. Keep your focus on where you want to go.

Yesterday…I fell down.

Like really fell down. Crashed my bike. It was as if something took control of my brain…I lost focus…lost balance…overcompensated so that I wouldn’t crash into Sean Patrick and hurt him and down I went.

I. Fell. Down.

Yes, I hurt. My knee and elbow look like someone’s been trying to zest me. There was lots of blood and oozing. My head hit the ground pretty hard and I sent up a word of thanks to my new purple helmet. As I lay on the ground covered in asphalt and grass, grabbing my knee and praying not to see bone when I looked at it, all the Voices came blazing in, swords drawn, chanting, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS. GO HOME. GO HOME.”

I really hate those bitches.

SP sacrificed his water to cleanse my wounds and rinse off most of the blood.

I fought with the Voices in those few minutes of recovery. I thought about going home, because we were only 5 minutes into the ride. I thought about the blood running down my leg and how much it hurt. And I thought about Life. And how many times I have fallen and lay there bruised and bloody. And how the Voices will use that tiny opening to blow the crap off of the locked door and race in, eager to take control. I thought of how I can’t really remember exactly what made me lose balance, lose focus, and overcompensate myself to the ground, but I’ve been here before…written about it all before.

“How is it, that I am here. Again.”

“When will I learn this lesson.”

“Why can’t it just be easy for awhile.”

Money. Weight. Relationships with men. Relationships with family. Career. Anger. Forgiveness. Love. Fear.

Loss of balance. Loss of focus. Overcompensate.

It happens. Daily. Doesn’t it? And man, it’s hard to get back up. It’s hard to get up time and time again. Because it’s risky. There could be another fall. There could be more blood and bruising. There could possibly be more failure and chanting from The Voices.

Or.

Or there could be the hands of a best friend pulling you up, washing you off, making Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation-knee pad/elbow pad jokes and cheering you on.

It’s a choice, isn’t it? This life. This ride.

I could either lay there, or get up.

I got up.

And we rode.

7 + miles.

 

Homeslices- 7+  Asphalt-0

I woke up this morning, excited at first, and then overwhelmed by the “go back to sleep you can start tomorrow” voices. I got plenty of sleep last night. I wore my bite guard, because I’m grinding so badly in my sleep lately, that I’ve got headaches all day. So. I did everything right. I got good sleep. I ate clean before bed. I had all of my gear set about and charged and clothes laid out, all the things done beforehand so I wouldn’t have roadblocks.

And then The Voices started chiming in.

“you’re so sleepy.”

“it’s your day off”

“you DESERVE to rest”

Let me just say…Dem Bitches Be Loud and Crazy!!!

and a little persuasive…only for one snooze then I gag-balled them and rolled on out. Packed my bike. Filled my camelbak. Attached my music. Had a half a cup of coffee and skedaddled. I was meeting one of my best friends and his daughter (who called me “Homeslice” in a text last night…have you heard that? Homeslice? like Homegirl maybe?)and we were going BIKING!

Yes it’s 119 THOUSAND degrees outside, but we started about 7:30 am. We rode 7 miles. We had to start and stop and break and get water and cajole each other into keepin on keepin on. Piper is going into the 11th grade (HOW COME ALL OF MY BABIES ARE GROWING UP SO FAST??? WTH?) and Bless Her Heart. I mean it. God Bless Her. She felt woozy and sweaty and throw uppy and made me feel so much better for my feeling woozy and sweaty and throw uppy my own self. I’m the biggest whiner when it comes to exercise, I will hands down admit that. But it’s…tricky. There’s seat adjustment and gear adjustment and your feet fly off the pedals if it’s not correct and that seat, (no matter if you have a gel cover on it), feels like your straddling the Log Ride at Six Flags..without the water. My hooha will likely be screaming at me tomorrow… and not in the I just had a great night with George Clooney kind of screaming. There’s hills and there’s other riders who are zooming past you and you are for sure they’re muttering under their breath, “who let the touched kids have bikes?” Riding into wind? Well that’s a thing. The blazing ass sun is another thing. I was my very own incarnation of Bridget Jones on the exercise bike…who is kicking ass and then just falls onto the floor. I kept thinking of Chrome who rides all over hell’s half acre in NYC and it’s just her daily routine…wow. Just wow.

But I didn’t fall.

I didn’t throw up.

I did walk the bike a few steps because I felt like my hip joints were going to spontaneously combust and I would look really really awkward if that happened. . . and really…with the giant purple bicycle helmet on, walking my bike from tree shade to tree shade and humming Your Sex Is On Fire under my breath…who wants to chance looking awkward???

I got a little nervous riding through the intersections where there are concrete pillars that are seperated for us…but I remembered Cindy’s words…Look at where you want to go. It helps with balance. Sure did!

I made it back to my car in one piece. I high fived my riding companions and was amazed at what we’d just done. I was laughing and sweating and sucking my camelbak like it actually WAS George Clooney and I thought…

Dem bitches be crazy alright…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Homeslices-7 Couch-0

 

I haven’t used this space for much more than making lists of things to do. It’s become more of a check off bla bla bla than a space where I actually write anything significant. Quite frankly, I don’t know if that’s going to change anytime soon…so don’t get excited.

This weekend was/is crazy social. Rachel’s birthday Friday night. PseudoFamily gathering last night. Talaura’s in the state, but her time is limited so I don’t know if I’ll get to see her face this trip. (it’s so hard to see everyone on quick trips like this) Lynn’s birthday brunch today. We’re going to celebrate Peruvian Independence by heading to the Inca place for ceveche and all kinds of strange delectables. I think I’ll skip the pool today and go get a few groceries, a bicycle helmet and look for a desk or file cabinet. Organizing the backroom…it’s going to be written on my tombstone.

As per your advice, I’m going against getting a shredder. I’ll just sack up all the stuff to burn and hold it till the burn ban goes away sometime in Janurary. Ha. (Lord. Please let this weather break soon. Tuesday’s high is 111 degrees.)

Did I tell you I got a bicycle? Delbert gave me her old one and while there are a few things that needs be tweeked…maybe get a new seat…I’m going to start riding. Hopefully. I’m afraid. kind of. That it will hurt my hooha. that I will fall off. But getting back on the bicycle is metaphorical for the things that are about to start happening in my life. So. Giddyup.

Time for one more cuppa and finish this episode of Gilmore Girls…then it’s Peruvian Independence Day! Huzzuah! Halakaleem!

 

I made progress on the house yesteday. Moved some furniture around (thanks to Lynn’s help) and moved some things out. It’s getting there. I have mountains of papers to go through and shred. I think I need to buy a shredder today…are they pricey do you think? I’ll check into that. I’ve got to put things on shelves, move stacks of books to sell and garage sale items to the shed, take a stack or two of cookbooks to Nonna. She lost all of her collection in the tornado and I’m thinning mine out.

Stuff.

I’m just not interested in keeping things for the sake of “collecting” anymore. I want clean. I want space. I want organized. so I’m getting there. It feels good.

The cats are freaked out by the furniture move and I have no place to set my morning coffee cup so perhaps yet another arrangement will happen. I need some end tables I think…hell I don’t know what I need. I need the people with unlimited funds from TLC to come overhaul my landscaping and my insidescaping.

The weekend is going to be nice. We’ve got some birthdays to celebrate. Rachel and Lynn both turn a page and we’ll be sure to celebrate fully. I can’t believe we’re at the end of the month. Where has this year gone???

Happy Friday, ya’ll.

Sitting here sipping my coffee out of my favorite Keep Calm and Carry On coffee mug, I’m taking a moment(s) to be aware and thankful.

I had a great weekend with family. I had uneventful drives to and from, safe and sound.

Had a slow day yesterday at work, but my last client said, as he says every four weeks, that he’s never had a better haircut. So I’m doing something right.

I hung out with the LT’s and Mama T. We went for a swim, then ate salad and pizza and watched our favorite Gene Simmons Family Jewels. It was the season finale. I love any excuse to have a party and I’ve been lacking on time with these girls all summer due to my crazy work schedule. It did my heart good to have some time with them.

I came home to a hot house. My immediate reaction was “well. the unit’s blown up” I mean we’re at day 35 of triple digit temps. Something’s gotta give, right? But apparently, I just turned it way up as I left yesterday, it’s working fine but it took forever to cool the house so neither the cats nor I got any kind of sleep last night…which brings me to today. I don’t start my day until 3:15. But…at least I’ve got three cuts and two colors! I’m grateful for the easy morning. I’m grateful for the appointments tonight.

Being in the moment, being grateful…it’s something I do really well—and then I just lose it. Life gets crazy. The voices get loud. I don’t take the moments and really use them to be actively involved in it. I think it’s just human nature, so I don’t beat myself up for it. I am, however putting it back on my list starting today.

Hope you’re putting yourself back on your list. I’m going to have one more cup of coffee, some toast (I’m eating the Ezekial bread. I’m really loving it. Do you? Have you tried it?) and then move some more furniture around and put clothes on hangers. Have a great(ful) one!

 

Made a fast trip up to the family in Arkansas this weekend to bang hair, celebrate birthdays and play with the kiddos. As usual, we never have time to do anything, see much of each other, or get much accomplished before it’s time for me to leave.

These short visits are frustrating at worst, and at best they tide us over until the next one. I’m so excited that we’ve got a weekend on the books for them to come hang out at my house and just chill out and do stuff. September I think is when that’ll happen.

I really wish I just could have my sister for a long weekend. Just us girls. It’ll happen eventually, the boys are getting older and easier to leave. Someday. Until then, I’m just so thankful that she and I have a relationship that is good and filling and easy. I can’t tell you how many conversations I have with women about their sisters that start out in the negative. Bitch. Complain. Whine. Moan. Vent. Growl. Real anger. Displaced anger. Anything and absolutely everything negative.

And I listen. Because we all have those moments of grrr with family. But all the while I’m listening, and nodding and being the soundboard I’m mentally sending up a prayer of thanks that my sister and I just don’t have that. When I said just this to her this weekend, she laughed and said, “what’s there to fight about?”

Because it’s really just her and I. Team Us.

indeed Sisser….what is there to fight about?

I’m channeling her now, laundry is going, hanging on the line to dry (and the line broke. yeah. another awesome thing) I’ve got the floors swept and the kitchen cleaned and I’m about to bust out the mop and the Shark to steam clean. I’ve got veggies marinating to grill tonight. My portobello mushrooms had molded dangit, so it’ll be veg and maybe some couscous I picked up when I was feeling fancy. Even when I get my stuff done here, I know she will have miles to go before she sleeps.

Before I close, I want to link to another blogpost. It’s one of the greatest things I’ve read in awhile, for all of us who have struggled with our bodies, with finding clothes that fit, with feeling inferior when we look at the magazines that tell us the stars are JUST LIKE US…my fatass they are. Did Jennifer Anniston just have to repair a clothesline that was full of clean wet clothes that are now covered in grass that smells of cat pee? Pfffft. I digress. Go. I implore you. Read the post. And then say with me…Tailored? WFT? That’s awesome…now how much does that shit cost???

What is there to fight about…indeed.

>She turns 35 today.

She turns 36 today.

I don’t know how we are the numbers we are…it goes by so fast…but we are better friends, closer sisters now than we have ever been.

She can calm me down, and vice versa. We just FEEL better when we can say the real thing that is making us crazy….full confessions…we laugh and cry together like no other. I miss her living close. I would give anything if she could just come over for a weekend day and help rearrange furniture, or sit out in the yard in the fall around the firepit, or go shopping…I miss those times.

I’ll drive to Arkansas tomorrow to celebrate her’s and Mom’s birthdays this weekend. We’ll bang some hair, we’ll talk and plan (hopefully) a get-away and our first annual Sister Trip. It’ll be fast, as it always is. But better than nothing.

Have a blessed Friday…and if you have one…call your sister today and tell her you love her. If you don’t…you can borrow mine and send her some love here. She’s got a heart that is big enough to love all of us.