It’s a beautiful day outside.

Stunningly gorgeous for February 3rd.

I’m so thankful for the weather. Mark and I kind of tease about having seasonal depression disorder but sometimes I just think it’s true. I need some sunshine, I need some fresh air and outside glory to flow into my house.

It was a perfect Sunday morning at Brokedown Palace. We sat around the table with friends and listened to Carter Sampson sing about being the Queen of Oklahoma until late last night, so we slept in this morning. Coffee and CBS Sunday morning followed by some cajun brunch made it all the better. What with all the New Orleans being all over the television I got a taste for some of my delicious gumbo. That got put on the list this week.

This afternoon I’m meeting with Julie and Heather to knock off more of our punch list for Listen To Your Mother: OKC and that’s exciting. I’m making notes, now and Mark and I brainstormed on a few things last night.

I think once our meeting is finished, I’ll finish a few chores around the house and head down to Norman to start working on our LTYM stuff, watch the Super Bowl and just gear up to begin the week.

Every single thing about this day is my favorite.

I hope you’re loving yours as much, too!

 

It was a really long week. Death does that to time. Just drags it out, like swimming in syrup. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers…As all of us know the real work and support and heartbreak is just beginning…

Mark and I are up to the task. He and I, in our own ways, understand some individual elements of what this process entails. So, we’ll all just be mindful and work on it as best we can to see that his sis is okay.

I’ve been home for about an hour and having not been here this week I’ve cleaned up some cat mess, cat vomit, defended my saltine snack from Sammy, had a little wine, started the dishes and laundry. I’ve got a LTYM:OKC meeting here tomorrow and some plans with friends tonight.

LTYM:OKC has opened for submissions! I’m so excited. We’ve already got a few in the dropbox! Tomorrow we put together some final details and begin to beg for money and publicity. This is coming together folks!

I need to polish the house a bit…I know the sheets are clean because I haven’t been here all week. However, the fridge is full of old food that I prepped last weekend, the trash needs be taken out, the vacuum needs running.

Homework is ever present…as is the reality of graduation happening in the summer rather than the spring. That’s a whole nuther story but it’s on my mind. Heavily.

On the plus side, it’s in the upper 60’s here, the sun has been shining all day and there’s pizza, friends and great music in my near future.

Happy Weekend Ya’ll.

I’ve had so many things to write about running through my head as of late. Stories, details of evenings with family and friends, quips and worries about school and work. None of it seems to make it out of my brain and onto the blog lately.

It’s cold here. We have vacillated from Spring-like temps, to bitter cold, back up to crazy 70’s on Monday. My allergies are amuck. But it’s nice to get these reprieves. I’ve been trying to get my brain to start tracking and focusing on a strict schedule of studying and reading and writing. That hasn’t happened yet. We’re two weeks into the semester. It’s time. That’s my goal for the weekend.

LTYM:OKC is happening on schedule. The first press release went out this week and next week more information will be coming and I’ll be once again, asking you all to share it with everyone you know!

I’ve had the privilege of spending some time with my friends this past week or so. I’ve missed you. I’m actively missing you. Missing time with you. I feel better after seeing you. Laughing, talking. All of it.

This weekend is work, homework, hopefully some friend time and then on Sunday night we have the Gretchen Peters show at the Depot. I’ll enjoy all of it.

Hope you enjoy yours

And so goes the final first week of my semester.

How did that happen?

The week was spent getting used to the new schedule. I’m only officially on campus Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for my one class. But Monday afternoons are now set aside for Thesis meetings. And next week begins the workload in terms of that. My class, (it’s so hard to grasp it’s my Only class and my Last class) is AWESOME!!!!

This guy, yeah. Everything I’ve heard is true. He COULD make Chaucer interesting. I’m not much for the old guys. . . Milton, Chaucer et. al. But I do believe he could make it something I’d love. Shakespeare is my fav, and thinking back this is the first Shakespeare class I’ve had since undergrad days in Ma’s class. I’m excited. I know nothing about the history plays, and this professor is going to take us on a journey, incorporating not only the literature and the history but skills in critical thinking and writing as well. Things I haven’t known until this semester.

I’ve received emails confirming that the applications to the ph.d programs had arrived safe and sound and were being processed. So there’s that.

Tonight my sister arrives for our girl weekend. We’ll bang some hair. We’ll do a little shopping tomorrow after I get off work, then tomorrow night we’ll all converge downtown for the (allegedly) final George Strait concert! All of my favorite people will be there and I’m just excited for some fun times.

We’ve made great progress with LTYM:OKC. Dates are set and will be announced next week! Press releases are going out, the word will be official and I’m counting on all of you to help spread it! Are you following our blog to keep up to date? If not, PLEASE DO! 

The sun is shining this morning. Tomorrow’s temperatures are soul healing. I’m ready. I’m so ready.

Happy Friday, ya’ll.

 

Mark and I worked on our Spring calendars last night. I love that we’re both built the same way when it comes to this. There are some concerts that are coming our way to decide on, my conference in New Mexico that we’re going to in a few weeks, depot shows, and I don’t have school dates on there yet.

Some things are definite.

Some things are flexible, depending on how we’re feeling.

I like that we both live that way and understand when it gets to be too much we can scratch things off.

I just checked my tracking numbers. One of my ph.d apps has been delivered and signed for. The other one is en route.

EN ROUTE!

***both packages were delivered and signed for this morning!!!

Time to switch gears and set my sights on the first day of classes! My LAST CLASS. I can’t even wrap my head around that at this point! I’m so excited!

I love getting my syllabus and my books or class packet. I love getting the schedule set and get my brain wrapped around what’s coming my way. I’m ready to dive into the thesis…I have to admit I have anxiety about that. Because I’ve surrounded myself with some hardcore committee members. They will make me a better writer. A better student. A better ph.d candidate and eventually a better teacher. But it doesn’t come without some level of “holycrap anxiety”

I’m still feeling happy from the forward motion made on LTYM:OKC yesterday. I’m excited to begin the process of garnering sponsorship and donors. I’m excited to begin the process of getting the word out via local media. I’m excited.

It’s Tuesday. Life is good.

 

 

I’ve been working on Listen To Your Mother this past week and a half. Securing a venue was what I thought would be one of the easiest steps in our process. Turns out, I thought incorrectly. I’m amazed at how many places here just don’t want to do business, to take my money, to give any kind of customer service. Amazed.

No worries though. Today is a brand new day, there is another list to work through, I’ve got a meeting set with our platform that is Infant Crisis Services this afternoon. Things are coming along nicely. We’ll be prepared to begin accepting submissions by the first of next month, our audition and rehearsal space is secure, this fabulous team that I’m working with is just clicking and ticking and supporting so well it’s chill-inducing.

Yesterday I sent a random text to Heather, and was met with the most fabulous supportive words in return. I KNEW she was one of the nice ones! I knew it last year, I know it this year. Julie has been turning and burning and sending information to us from her corner of the thin mint world. Thank the LORD for technology. Seriously.

I’m THIS CLOSE to being finished with my applications to ph.d programs. I will overnight both envelopes probably tomorrow to ensure they are in the proper place by Tuesday.

The uncertainty of it all is kind of wearing on me. Not having answers is, for me, an uncomfortable experience. It seems like this is the year that everything is up in the air. The year of The Question.

What’s next after graduation? What’s next? Are you going to move to Norman with Mark? Are you going to still do hair? Will you take your cats? What about the cats? Does his house have enough room for your stuff? Are you going to stay at your salon? What will you do if you’re driving to Stillwater every day? Will you sell your house? Will you rent it? Will you just drive from wherever you’re living or move there? Are you going to try to adjunct teach between graduation and the fall? What if you don’t get accepted to either program? What will you do then?

These are all questions that have been asked of me. Not even by MY own voices either! And my answer is the same.

I. Don’t. Know.

And any of you that know me know that a trigger spot in my psyche is stability. Security. Don’t we crave those things we feel like we haven’t had? Or want it in another form? So this…limbo…is an interesting place to find myself. There’s a lesson to be learned here…for sure.

Here are the things that I DO know.

I’m going to apply to programs and then start walking in faith. Don’t roll your eyes at me. You don’t have to have any faith in anything. This is my deal, right? 🙂

I’m going to begin to entertain ideas, possibilities of adjunct teaching.

I worked really hard to get my cosmetology license so I don’t intend to let it go anytime soon.

Hair is the only thing bringing in money right now. I have no intentions of quitting that anytime soon either, though the endgame is to NOT retire from this industry.

I grew up in El Reno. I drove at least 40 minutes on any day to get anywhere. I have a good car. If I’m driving, well people commute every day. I’ll get a better radio. Motor on.

When the time comes to decide about this house, and I’ve been told that right NOW is the time to sell…I’ll let you know. I’ve had people approach me about renting it. Or I could sell it. No advancement has been made in this area and until that happens, the cats and I are all just fat and sassy at Brokedown Palace. Home of the continuous catnap and occasional meltdown.

If I don’t get accepted to any program…we’ll just jump off of that bridge when we come to it, won’t we?

Right now I’m working on finding a venue. I’m gearing up for classes to begin next week. I’m re-routing my brain to start multi-tasking, managing time to the best of my ability and focusing on the tasks at hand this semester.

Right now, I’m loving being in love. I really don’t want to be anywhere else. It’s a lovely lovely thing to have such support, such ease, such laughter. I think that we’re easing into that steadfast secure place, and that just feeds my soul. Securely. Seriously. I know you’re rolling your eyes now, but I just would rather be in the same room with him, than anywhere else.

Right now, I’m looking forward to seeing my sister for our girls weekend on the 19th, I’m happy that I cleaned out some closets and found an entire rubbermaid tub of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear in about a year and a half. They all fit. Whaaaa???

Right now, I’m grateful for this day, I’m happy for this coffee, and I’m blessed to have the time to get things marked off of my list.

LTYM:OKC will come together and I can’t wait to tell you all of our details. Have I told you to keep checking our website? It’s here:

www.listentoyourmothershow.com/oklahomacity

Keep checking for specifics because that’s where we’ll be announcing them!

I’m going to pause now, for some more coffee, and a 250 calorie breakfast. I’m kind of loving those Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. . . where the Sun Guy gives the granola to the birds and gives the dieting girl the sandwich and then the world is right again? That one. They’re not to bad!

Happy Thursday ya’ll.

This is my final week of break before the final semester begins. I’ve got several days of house working, LTYM working, ph.d application gathering. (they’re due next Tuesday)

This morning I am sipping coffee, ruminating on the list of things I’d like to get finished today, and understanding that they won’t get finished. Trying to un-wind. Trying to rest without guilt. That’s my goal for today.

However, while I’m doing that, I’ll be emailing, making phone calls and doing some general research on for the LTYM venue, for the applications, for the rest of the week.

As most of the world is back to school, back to work…it seems pretty decadent. I’ll take it.

It seems like everyone is posting the goals and lists post for the new year. I used to do that. I used to make a list. I used to make resolutions. I haven’t done much of that the last few years. Most of my stuff has been big life changes, some on purpose, some unexpected.

Buy a house

Travel

Grad School

Fall in Love

The thought of plotting out a list for the new year isn’t something that rings true for me. It’s like the life list thing. Which is strange because as much as I enjoy a list…just not my deal these days.

What I do think about is the unexpected that awaits us all. The trips, the places we’ll go, the tastes we’ll discover that are around the corner. Seeing friends and family and making memories, that excites me. I know this is the year that I’m going to achieve some goals. Hopefully graduate with the masters degree. Possibly begin the ph.d program…Yet those aren’t the things I’m focused on. I’m meditating on the joy that lies ahead in producing a Listen To Your Mother Show in OKC. I’m excited about what the future holds for my relationship with Mark. I’m giddy at the idea of traveling and seeing people that I love. These are the bright spots for me.

Yeah, I need to get my ass back in gear. I started tracking on my Livestrong App again, and it was nice to see that my lb.’s are down since I last entered information. A goodly amount down. So that’s a win I’m taking.

Yeah, I need to get something figured out about an eye dr. appointment, fresh contacts and glasses.

Yeah, I need to see a dentist and yeah I need to focus on better skincare.

There are multitudes of things to do on the house. Projects both big and small.

But those aren’t the things I’m focused on this year.

This year, I’m focusing on not spreading myself too thin, not trying to please every single person I come across, to live louder, to love harder and to find some balance between the chaos and the normal.

I think it’s time for a new dream wall…after all we go towards those things we think about, and we think about those things we see daily.

 

I’m not quite settled into the new year as of yet. Living in tote bags, between two houses, I feel strung out. Decidedly unsettled. This week, and weekend however, I’m fixing that. I’ll get the house de-Christmas’d.

I’ll get some organizing projects finished.

I’ll get some lazy tv time in. (that hasn’t happened at all this break and it’s driving me nuts)

I’ve got some homework to do in regards to the LTYM show.

I’m ready to get into all of that.

But first I just need to shake this funk. I don’t know if it’s residual from the holiday funk. Or if it’s uncertainty for the future funk. Or if it’s dread for the anniversaries that are barreling my way within the next few months, and the memories that ride along with them. I don’t know if it’s the disconnect I feel with everything…

What I DO know…is sometimes you just need some girlfriend time and a cuppa coffee. Making a plan and seeing it through for some face to face with someone who loves you and that you love in return…someone who can call bullshit on the bullshit and get your head back in the game with a simple “that was blown way out of porportion, just let it go”—the simplicity of the words!

Add coffee.

Add laughter.

All we needed was more time.

Alas…it’s back to work for me.

I’m happy to get my routine back. I’m ready to get excited about the new year.

(and to plug that treadmill back in)

My relationship status on the ole FB has changed…but it’s pending until confirmed by both parties. I guess that’s only fair, right? I mean, how many people could be in a relationship with me in the wide wide web, with just a flick of a keystroke?

Millions. I’m sure it’s millions.

The pending thing got me to thinking though.

Relationships, friendships, friends, family, boyfriends, wives, all of it…all of these relationships are living and breathing things…these connections, these ties…organic, fluid, ever changing…The ones that I’ve been in before…they were always pending something.

Something was always…not quite there…I was always waiting on that one thing…

pending.

None of these relationships come with guarantees. There is no anti-heartbreak-clause in the agreement. It’s just two people, doing the best they can at navigating each new phase, each new day. I think that those relationships that have the most time attached to them are often the ones most easily taken for granted. It’s easy to assume that because they have always been…they always will be.

This past week was one full of stumbles in several relationships, for me personally, and let me tell ya it sucked. I don’t like feeling icky about people that I love. I don’t like people that I love feeling icky about me. I don’t like feeling any of the things I felt last week.

But that’s the nature of the game, isn’t it?

There is work to be done. There is effort to be made. There is forgiveness to ask and when asked, there is no “pending”…forgiveness is given. That’s the way of things. You get up, the bruise heals, the scab starts to itch and you put one foot in front of the other and promise to do better tomorrow and you bless it and let it go.

Sometimes it’s not that easy. Time must be applied.

At the end of the day though, it’s all part of the process. Everyone is susceptible. . . to the good, and to the bad. This life we are living is an all encompassing one.

Looking forward, I hope I can forgive more, and that I need to ask for it less.

I can tell you though, that this relationship I’m in right now? The forgiveness is swift and mighty. It’s a powerful feeling to be in something that has that kind of give and take and communication.

Pending confirmation through a social network is comical really.

We all know I’ve already circled “yes”