This morning was my final workout in my 2 week Fat Flush starve-me-fast-kill-me-slowly program. The alarm went off at 5am and the cats immediately yawned and flipped me off. I made my protein shake and filled my water and got on the road. Yay, this morning we weighed in!

So. By that scale, I only lost 3lbs. Which immediately dropped my mood into the gutter. Then we did the body fat counting with one of these machines.

The first read out, done under the very same settings as my initial weigh in, said that I’d lost 14 lbs of fat and gained 10 lb of muscle. Well. Ok. That’s a lot. But they do it on Biggest Loser all the time. My trainer didn’t believe it so we did it again. Same numbers. Still didn’t believe it so he re-jiggered the machine and I did it a third time. This time is said I’d lost 5lbs of fat and gained 2lbs of muscle.

So either I’m completely average, or I’m Biggest Loser. All of that, just hit my annoyed button. Just like…fuck around. all this work and there’s really no THAT’S AWESOME! instead there’s a THAT CANT BE RIGHT!

then we had to run around the building four times. then do 100 squats. then do 100 pushups. then run around the building 4 times.

there wasn’t enough curse words in my vocabulary so I had to start making some up.

PseudoSis2 was my motivator, and she’s amazing. rocked it right out. I told her to go on ahead of me, get it going. I had to power walk about half my laps but ya know what? two weeks ago I could not have done it.

so there’s that.

A few other things. In the past two days, I have learned of the passing of a college friend to cancer. He was a quirky, batshitcrazy little duck, but he was our quirky batshitcrazy little duck. And my heart is really saddened at the news of his loss.

Chrome told me last night, that another mutual person in our lives had to have his leg amputated due to cancer.

Note to ALL OF YOU.

NO MORE OF THE TRIBE BEING SICK OR DYING OR ANY OF THAT SHIT.

In a final note, and oddly related to the above news…I’ve been smoke free for two weeks. Done with it. Forever.

so there’s that.

I’m thankful that it’s Friday. I’m thankful that you are all healthy and here. I’m thankful that we can seek solace in our memories and make new ones just the same.

and I really like this Starbucks Anniversary Blend. It’s spicy. and bold.

go today…and let’s all emulate the Starbucks Anniversary Blend.

HALAKALEEM!

This day for me, anyways, is done. I’ve seriously hit the wall. My ovary hurts. My knee hurts. and my mood is really only marginally better. So. Im home. I have stuff to make soup. I’m going to nest and rest.

I thought I’d leave you with some good bits, however few they may seem to be.

MGirl told me I looked really skinny today.
FactoryGirl made the funniest Mad Men Jib-Jab things. I was the redhead. it was awesome.
Bonusmom came in and brought me back one of my copies of The Help, which I promptly loaned to Mandrea. SO excited for everyone to read this story.
Bonusmom then went off to buy herself a new phone. Yup!!! She’s now the proud owner of the new iPhone. No one deserves it more. Huzzuah!
We got lots of rain today. Perfect for the fall garden seeds out there. There’s still more coming. which…
is perfect for an afternoon replenishing nap.

When I wake up, I will make Santa Fe Soup. Healthy. Low Cal. High Fiber. Low Points. Generally all around delish.

that is all.

I’ve hit the wall.
I’m tired.
My wrists hurt.
My knee hurts.
Last night’s workout felt like my left ovary was being ripped from my body and still hurts today.
I couldn’t manage all of the jumping this morning. I did what I could.
I don’t want to get hurt. I have no health insurance.
I cried when I got into my car to drive home in the rain.
I could cry right now.
I have zero appointments today. zero.
I’m going to salon education at my new salon this morning. Product Knowledge class. I’m gearing up for it.

if I get to work, and nothing comes my way (which since I gave my notice I dont get any walkins or alternates) Im coming home to work. I’m going to paint the walls that need it, and dive into getting the house ready for a roommate.

Who’s ready for a new week, raise your hands!!!

Yeah…me neither. I’ve had a weekend of fun and I think I did pretty good on the food intake but starting yesterday I started getting anxious about the workouts again. Trying to figure out when they’ll be and gear myself up for the nutrition part of it this week…I have to admit I felt a lot better this weekend than I have in months. MONTHS. I got an email from my trainer and this link was in it…you know how much I love me some Rocky…anyways I thought I’d post it. It’s fitting.

Gert…this one’s for both of us.

How’s your weekend been? When the holiday falls on a Monday, it’s rare that we get a real three day weekend…alas our salon was closed on Saturday so this has been just glorious. Everyone needs a break, don’t you agree?

I’ve made the most of it thus far. Friday night I went to see my boyfriend George Clooney’s new movie. Slurp. I almost couldn’t sleep…Saturday I got up and went to bootcamp at 8:30, died for 45 minutes then thought now it’s REALLY the weekend! I got a cheapo pedicure and went and hung out with Mandrea for the afternoon. It was the first day of college football, so here in Then Plains that means National Holiday. No one really quite understands the religious fervor that people get into regarding either OU or OSU football unless you’ve spent any amount of time here. It’s nuts. And I love me some football…however did I watch? I did not. I went and picked up MGirl and we drove about 1hour and 45 minutes west to Clinton and watched our friends race cars! It was dirty and fun and loud and laid back and seriously one of the best Saturday night’s I’ve spent in years. Just…something different and fun! Of course, the drive back home was FOREVER. I was tired.

Yesterday I worked a wedding which, thanks to the “caterers” (and I use that term loosely) Poppsie and I had to do some different kind of work than just the bar. We had to set up the food and arrange the display and then…well it was crazy night. But all in all, well done. Quick facetime with Hawk on my way home and I crashed…

Today I feel like I want to putz around my house. I need to hit the grocery store and get my food prepped for the week. I want to go for a walk, maybe around the lake today. It’s gorgeous weather. But for right now, I’m sippin coffee and about to watch last night’s Mad Men ep…perfect Monday.

Happy Labor Day. rest. peace. George Clooney.

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about fear.

This week has been one of change.

The first week of the 14 day workout/diet/fat flush/kill me slowly starve me fast routine. Workouts every single day save last night when I couldn’t drive to bootcamp because the storm that came through had hurricane force winds that bent the trees ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND. And look. Let’s be honest. It’s not like I need any amount of discouragement to not workout on a good day, much less on day 4 when I feel like I’ve hit the wall. SO…I did some at home stuff, stretching, sitting up bla bla bla, and was back at it at 6am today. One more bootcamp tomorrow at 8:30 then two days off.

It’s been the first week of booking my own clients…that’s been weird. But my first week at Salon W is shaping up nicely. I had a good phone call with one of my new managers last night and got some details straight in my head. A few nice things…next week I get to sit in on their education class. Product Knowledge, which it’s a new line. I’ve used only TiGi or Loreal Professional. This salon uses Bumble&Bumble and perhaps a few others. Anyways I’ll get to work with and learn about that line before I start and that’s nice. Also…when I asked about my products to use on my clients I was told that for starting there, they would buy me the ENTIRE LINE of Bumble & Bumble to start out with. As well as my first set of business cards! It’s nice to know I’m not out that $ right off the bat. I’m really getting excited about this now…

So. fear? Where’s the fear, you say?

The working out place is 20-25 minutes away. So I have a drive. It’s where my head goes. Thinking time which I don’t have much off in day to day life.

Daily this week I’ve felt fear.

Fear of working out.
Fear of not being able to finish it
Fear of throwing up. (seriously)
Fear of seeming whiny.
Fear of being the fattest one in class.

Fear of starting something and then quitting.
Fear of failure.
Fear of freezing up.
Fear of the people in the new salon not liking me.
Fear of feeling left out.
Fear of financial losses.
Fear of forgetting major things in the transition.

And then I began wondering where all of the fear really comes from…what was the Original Fear that started the cycle…is there such a thing? Is there ONE FEAR, that if we reassured it with mounds and mounds of love and support, would it go away and we would be, for the most part, fearless in life? I started to peel back the layers. Well, I’m fearful of this because this happened. And that happened as a direct choice and result of this situation. Fear begat fear begat fear begat fear…until you’re at the root of it…

have you ever thought of this?

I wonder…if we all peeled back the layers of self protection and puffery and blustery loud that we wear…if we got right down to the one thing that we are the most scared of in our whole lives…and put it out there. All of us, put it out there in the middle of my back yard, one on top of another on top of another…

THEN SET IT ON FIRE!!!

I wonder how that would be? So..when you come across something in the street that stops you in your tracks this weekend, and you think, I’m scared of that…just put it in your pocket. Save it. We’ve got ourselves a bonfire in our future…

So. Anyways. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. What about you? Thinking about a holiday weekend? Me too, gentle readers. Me FREAKIN TOO!!! Here’s a little ditty to carry us off into the day…

this is todays NFTU that I saw AFTER I posted. Too good not to share:

The ease of change, Misti, is directly proportional to one’s willingness to reconsider what’s best for themselves.

I say let it be easy –
The Universe
Because, Misti, when change comes it always means there’s something better.

Oh sweet Lord above I’m sore. And tired. I went to bed at 8:47 last night. and slept all the way till 7am. All I can tell you is I am doing it. Each day. And I really love my new protein drink. Vanilla. It does not suck.

Work is slow. Reaffirming why I didn’t quit and go boothrent this month…most of my clients are very supportive when I tell them of the change. Several of them have surprised me and seem to want some nasty story as to why I’m leaving. Is it human nature to seek the dirt instead of the light? Gah. There is no dirt. It’s time for a change. Period.

With each client that I prebook in my own scheduler to transfer to the new place, I have a little heartbreak and a lot of fear. I squelch it, mostly because I have to use my entire reserve of brain juice to make my legs work. I do, however, feel a major sit on the side of the tub and ugly cry meltdown coming my way…just be warned.

Yesterday in the private training session we did weights. I was happy for that. I feel like I’m dying with the cardio. I can feel every single cigarette that I’ve ever smoked. and I hate it. HATE IT. But about two circuits into the weights I realized it was a poor choice to be excited. And then when we ran sprints and jogged back…well God Bless PseudoSis3…Sometimes I feel like I hold everyone back because they don’t want me to run alone. And I do NOT have that competitive drive. I could give a shit if I’m last. The Presidential Physical Fitness Test taught me that lovely mindset. Fat Girl RUNNING!!! But she stayed with me, and wheezed right along side me. And we just look at each other deep in the eye with a look that says,”this is it. i’m dying. it’s been real. please take care of my body and don’t let the others step on me when they leave” —and yet, we walk out together. Living gimpily to see another day.

Guess what today is?

9-02-10

90210!!!!!

Let’s take a moment and remember one of my true loves, shall we?

And my ONE TRUE LOVE…because it is LOVE THURSDAY…

business cards
opening a business account at the bank
get teeth cleaned one last time before insurance leaves
change oil in car
plant rest of fall seeds in garden
keep up with food/calorie program
call new salon and set up another meeting re:boothrent/credit card use/products/booking appointments/education
referral cards/referral program for my new business
get estimate on new windows this week
write
write more

breathe.

day two.
caloric intake is good. I may have been a little over today because I bought some protein powder to make shakes/drinks for after the workouts. Lots of amino acids and if you drink one directly after workout then it replenishes the muscles and helps with the soreness. At least that’s what the drink selling dude told me and due to his total workout attire and you can do it attitude, I totally believe him. Bought a big ass thing of vanilla and two shakers. One for me and PseudoSis2. I would have never started this if it weren’t for her.

So. Today wasn’t bad soreness-wise. My quads hurt. Tomorrow maybe will be worse? or the same? I dunno. I took a muscle relaxer before bed last night…maybe another tonight…Small group private workout tomorrow at 9 with PseudoSis3. We can do anything for two weeks, right? And I do think…I do think this will motivate and jump start me into moving my body. Feeling better. A woman tonight was panting and sweating (no judgement, I was trying not to puke) and she said “why are we doing this?” I said so we can live longer. She replied,” and pay more taxes” and I said, “nope. go to more happy hours” because really…getting another day with family and friends..that’s what it’s all about.

and now if you’ll excuse me…it’s 9:41 and I have to go to bed. I’m worn out.

it was a crazy morning. I woke up tired, but got myself ready for the 8:30 workout. then ran late. then felt like I should just not go. then couldnt really find the place then showed up late and just dove in. I was about 10 minutes behind the other girls and I felt like I was going to vomit. Intense 30 minute circuit training then running suicides and the wheezing and the lack of lung capacity…(more on that area later)…and seriously. after I drove home I laid on the bed under the fan with Kikimama and after about 30 minutes I felt human. Woof.

But I’m glad I did it. I’ve already scheduled the rest of the weeks workouts. Tomorrow night bootcamp. Wed workout at 9am. Thursday night bootcamp. Friday morning 6am workout.

The 1300 calorie diet is ok. I’m not going to follow the one he gave us to the letter. I know about nutrition and calories and fat and sugars. I just don’t always utilize my knowledge. So. That’s what I’m doing.

Remember when I was wondering where my new shoes would take me?

I had some coffee and facetime with Mandrea. We measured her room and made a plan to do some work on Sunday. Painting the repairs and moving some stuff around. Now, I’m off to the pool with LT and FactoryGirl and PseudoSis2. Time to relax and soak up some Vitamin D.

Happy Monday, ya’ll.