Last Friday night I was bartending a wedding. It was an interesting wedding in that there seemed to be a little underlying discord between the bride’s family and the groom’s family. There was one groomsman that started the evening off with a whole lotta MF’ers but you know what? Those dudes had been outside in 100 degree heat in full blown tuxes. I’d be spouting some MF’s too…prolly. But we bartenders are aware of this and are always at the ready with ice cold beverage and a smile.
The night was slow and but for the one MF’er, everyone was nice to us. We had conversations about the heat, about the opening ceremonies which were happening that evening, about Stillwater and the fact that I cannot cross the Payne Countyline without losing my damn mind and making fabulously poor choices. It was fine.
However, throughout the night the MF’er kept hustlin’.
“hey gimme a free shot. gimme a free drink. gimme a shot. gimme your phone number. gimme your number. gimme a free shot.”
Nevermind everyone had been drinking for free on the alcohol provided by the bride and groom.
Nevermind that this is just one of those things that bartenders deal with and you just kind of suck it up and entertain the guest and pray for the night to be over.
Nevermind that we humored him, yet he still, over and over and over kept trying to hustle us.
As the night came to a close, I used my phone to call the boss and say, we’re about finished with closing duties, and I laid the phone down on the door ledge. I was out helping the bride’s mother with questions, and looked back to see the MF’er walking in for one last free beer. As he left, he “spilled” some of his drink.
Diversion.
Fast forward about 15-20 minutes later and we discover that my phone is missing. Boss calls the groom, and says that maybe someone accidentally picked it up. One of his groomsmen was the last guy in, could he please check.
I of course, am just sick.
That’s my business phone. This is my ONLY phone. I don’t have a landline.
You know how it feels. It’s sickening.
However, I had a handle on most of it. I needed to get to a phone/computer and get my service shut off. I needed to get home and figure out how to do the iCloud stuff. I wasn’t freaking out, I mean I was sick, but knew that one of two things would happen. I would either get it back, or I would get a new phone. Maybe not a new iPhone, but I would get a new phone. Contacts would be replaced, re-entered, re-acquired. Music was on my computer. Photos were “hopefully” on the cloud. It really wasn’t life threatening, but DAMNIT I was pissed.
I have a little emergency phone loaned to me and make the 40 minute drive back to my house. Oh and this temper of mine? This rage that I keep soooo locked down?
It was gurgling.
I get home and on the iCloud app I find my phone. I didn’t understand where I was looking and at first it seemed to be in the ghetto. I wasn’t about to go. I wasn’t about to take any of my friends who had offered. It didn’t seem safe.
But then the phone moved, and I got a clear picture of where it was. It was in the DeepDeuce district. Due north of Bricktown. And good ole GoogleEarth showed me that it was on a sidewalk. NOT in an apartment…so it said.
It’s past 1am at this point, but I get back in the car, tote my laptop, go pick up Lynn (who got out of bed, got redressed and came aboard without question) and we headed downtown.
*Gurgle gurgle gurgle.*
Here’s where I wish I had an iPad.
We had to steal internet connection to update the app to see where the phone was. This was just a pain in the ass. I know we were close. I saw some of the guys. They were outside of IHop. But we couldn’t ever get a good enough connection to know for sure where the phone was. Damnit.
We gave up after about an hour, and I got home and tried to calm down and get to sleep. Saturday was a huge day at work. I had zero time to deal with this. Zero time because I was booked solid with clients and then had to go home, change clothes then head back to El Reno for another wedding. THAT was stressing me.
Gurgle Gurgle Gurgle.
I left word on the FB for someone to call the phone number and make sure I was awake. The time was wrong on the phone, the alarm was beyond setting. I was exhausted. But THANK GOD FOR FACEBOOK! My little phone rang a few times, I was up, my FB had blown up with emails and the threads on my wall were growing epic.
People were angry. People were offering help. People were offering phones. People were offering support and love. It really was a beautiful thing to behold…humbling.
I got to work and there on my station was a note that said, “Here’s a phone. It’s been wiped and reset, just charge it. Happy Olympics, I love you-Ryan” There was an iphone. And a Daylight Donuts sack with two donuts with red white and blue sprinkles.
That boy knows me. He gave me a phone AND a way to eat my feelings. SO MUCH LOVE.
The phone however, was AT&T.
I’m a Sprint girl.
The phone calls were flowing. The bride and groom had been contacted. They were going to attempt to get my phone back, or replace the one I lost.
Well that both assuaged my anxiety and exacerbated it.
Do you KNOW how much that phone is to replace? Without an upgrade???
It’s an irresponsible amount of money.
And it made me sick that this lovely girl, on the first day of her new life, was dealing with this.
I had some cancellations on my book which allowed for me to hit my Sprint store and get a loaner phone and charger. They really are the nicest people at this store. Amazing customer service. I was at home with my new loaner phone when it rang.
The bride had given us the MF’er’s name, address and phone number.
There were a few phone calls made to said MF’er and he was given a chance to return the phone before I filed a police report. . . which I was going to have to do in order to report it as a loss for my business. It was then explained to the MF’er that anything over 250.00 is a felony.
This phone cost $650.00 to replace.
With the bride and groom in our corner, with the pressure being put on him to return the phone, and the threat of a felony charge…it just so happened that there was another iphone found in his car. He musta picked mine up by mistake.
The FedEx package arrived today. I’m charging it and will take it to Sprint tomorrow to get everything lined back out.
I’m amazed at the rage that came rearing it’s ugly head inside of me. Truly amazed. I found that I was capable of using language and wishing scenarios that are far beyond my daily state of grace.
I’m amazed that this MF’er was so stupid. Just stupid.
I’m amazed that he didn’t ditch the phone somewhere.
But most of all, I am amazed at the amount of support that came POURING into my life in the way of phone calls, research, information gathering and relaying, emails and FB posts, offerings of phones and beheadings and setting shit on fire. From NYC, to New Mexcio, from California to Florida, from Brazil (yup. that’s not a typo) to El Reno to Norman, and everywhere in between, people were painting half of their face blue and sharpening their swords.
I’ve been so wrapped up in the stress of life these past few weeks, finishing summer school, gearing up for my final year of This Grad School Thing, trying not to freak out about the What’s Next that comes after. Dealing with the house and the heat and the general asshattery of the world.
It took one MF’er to unleash a tidal wave of good into my world.
I have no idea how it is that this ended so well for me. I don’t know that I deserve it any more than anyone else deserves a good thing to happen.
Maybe I’ve been living right.
Or maybe I’ve got the best friends in the world.
(prolly that.)
Misti Ridiculous 