I’ve written here before about how much I love Janurary. I love a fresh etch-a-sketch. Clean slate. One fresh calendar, one big do-over. It’s a time to reflect and thing back as well as look forward.

It’s also the four weeks of the year that you can guarantee I’m following a skin cleansing regimen.

One can only hope this is the year I choose to maintain that regimen.

What I did do was clear out the house of all the crap and fill it with the good stuff. I’ve been working the Kirstie Alley Organic Liaison program, because I was in my wine one night and decided to order it. Then I forgot to cancel the auto ship and now have two months of stuff. The meal plans are very similar to the Eat Clean philosophy. My daily caloric intake is in the same neighborhood as well. The daily drink is all vitamins, minerals, fiber for keeping me full, chromium for a little energy and it doesn’t taste bad at all. The evening product that I put in a cup of herbal tea is magnesium and calcium, which relaxes the muscles and helps me get to sleep. I don’t know if it’s actually worth the money, I probably won’t buy anymore, but I do feel better when I drink it, and other than this cold that snuck up on me, I’ve felt good and slept well this week too.

I haven’t added exercise this week. So, pffft.

I made a chicken and barley soup in my crock pot that I intend to eat on, which smelled so good when I got home last night. Mostly, yes. Planning. Cooking. Planning. I have fears about when my schedule gets crazy with classes. My goal is to just plan each meal ahead on Sundays, and make it work out that way.

What else? I’m super busy at work today,which is exciting. I have a meeting with my managers about the boothrent and lowering it to a part time position officially. We’ll see how that works out.

This weekend I’d like to make some progress on the taxes and reciepts that are stacked in boxes in this house. That’d be awesome.

Other than that? I think I’ll lay low. Take it easy. Gear up for the next week.

Hope you all feel good, get rest, and enjoy!

Mark your calendars. January 4th was the strangest day of the year.

I had an allergy/sinus attack about 4:30 am and finally took some meds at 5:30 am. This is why I was still dead ass asleep when someone knocked on my door at 9. I shuffled to answer, as my doorbell is apparently out of order, and when I opened it barely recognized the person to be the older woman that lives with the young couple and their children next door to me. Renters who’ve been there about a year or a little over. Nice, quiet. I wave. Nothing ever more involved than that.

The woman clearly saw that I was sleepwalking and said, ‘no no no go back to sleep’ and rushed away. I went back to bed thinking, “whatever, lady” and that was that.

Fast forward through a day that was an anti-histimine induced haze of lazy. I got my reading list for one of my classes and thought, I’ll go check out Half Price Books and see what I can find.

Knock Knock Knock…

I saw that it was her, and having figured out she was going to tell me they were leaving town and could I keep an eye on the trash or the house or will I ever get those leaves raked from the side of their house..I opened the door.

IN SHE WALKED. Right inside the door and plopped her butt onto my love seat. (I’m still standing up, mind you)

“What can I help you with?” I ask.

“well, I know you said you had a cousin living with you at one point…” she trails off waiting for clarification.

“yes. I did. and I’ve had a roommate since him as well.”

“Well, how would you like another one? I want to move in.” she said. . . as steadfastly as if I’d asked is the sky blue?

I really just looked at her for a minute. She’s in her late 50s early 60s. She is a widow who is living next door with her daughter and family helping to take care of the kids but the son in law is about to kill her, she says. They are just on each others nerves so much mostly because that grandson loves her more and asks for her and she is raising those babies not him and she doesn’t want to live alone and really doesn’t feel safe anywhere, and when her husband died she got rid of all of her stuff and really doesn’t want to buy anything new and it would just be a perfect arrangement, don’t I think?

Still. I’m gaping.

When I finally find my voice I explain that I work full time and am in grad school full time and quite frankly I’m too old to be living with someone I’m not having sex with.

Co-habitation is hard. And while extra money would be nice…we’ve all got a price…I don’t think its something I’m interested in at this very moment.

She stayed and chatted as I sat and honked my nose into tissue after tissue, coughing sneezing, clearly not fit for company and I thought…Sweet mercy, why do I not have a camera crew??? We could all be rich.

The day ended with a facebook friend asking me if I’d ever considered joining the Catholic Church, since I was so uplifting and fun.

so.

yeah.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I got my reading list for my Fitzgerald/Hemingway class. I spoke with the professor and he sounds fabulous. He’s all crazy excited and so am I. There’s so much from these authors I’ve never read so this is good stuff.

My clean eating / calorie counting has been going quite well, if not quite gassy.

Audra and the restaurant are coming along despite a few roadblocks. She’s steering this ship with aplomb.

Im making a chicken and barley soup in the crock pot today. This makes me happy.

that’s it for my daily update on life. peaceout.

New episodes of Parenthood.

The LiveStrong Calorie tracking app for my iPhone.

Having a friend who will coach my grocery shopping for me and give me meal ideas.

Screwing up my LiveStrong app and when I fixed it realizing I get an extra few hundred calories a day!

Sleeping till noon. Without guilt.

Having laundry caught up.

Only needing to clean my bedroom to have a clean house. (clean enough for me anyway)

Knowing that this time next week I’ll be in school again.

Watching my bff navigate the conundrum that is owning a business and getting it opened on her own… and she’s kicking ass, btw.

Getting random texts from my mother that are intended for my sister.

Seeing friends on Facebook who are jumping onto the Breaking Bad train after all my rabble rousing about it.

Knowing that today, I really only need to make a call or two and can, without guilt, lay here and read my new Nora Roberts book as well as the new one I bought on my Nook. Roses I believe it is.

The breakfast I made myself today. That was just over 300 calories.–(1 light w/w english muffin, 1 wedge laughing cow, 1 cup wilted seasoned spinach topped with two poached eggs. )

Seeing most of the crazy Republican nominees dropping like flys this morning.

Knowing that my trash and recycle are empty because I finally remembered to take them to the curb last night.

This life. Sore throat and drainage included.

I love this life.

I just cleaned out my pantry, freezer and fridge. My trash is full of “food” and there is now a sack full of NutterButters and Little Debbie snacks on my table. Bags of chips as well. I don’t know where those are going, but they can’t stay here.

I went full tilt batshitfoodcrazy the last part of the semester. My inner voice, the one that says, “make a better choice” was hog tied and ball gagged since about October. I’ve decided to free her today. Drinking my water, ridding myself of processed foods, no more fast food or cola. No more real cola for sure. I just lost my ever lovin’ mind and didn’t care. Chicken fried steaks! Gravy! More cocktails than you could shake an AA meeting at. Lord.

I’m not beating myself up. I was, for the most part, enjoying life. Surrounded by friends. Laughing. Soaking it up.

But this is my week to get my proverbial shit together.

I’m having a facial this afternoon.

Trish is coming up to go grocery shopping with me. (it takes a village of support. it really does)

My laundry is going, the house is mostly clean, I’m pulling down the Christmas lights off the house today. This time next week I’ll be back in school. I’m a little stressed, but not nearly as much as last semester! I’ve got some phone calls to make, some financial aid issues to resolve, and books for two classes to buy. I’m calling about my remote starter for my car and checking that off of my list. I’ve got insurance calls to make (don’t even get me started about that fiasco) and the trash has GOT to be taken out. The recycle is overflowing.

Not a single one of these things is a life or death situation. By not doing ONE of them, the world won’t stop rotating, will it?

But each baby step. Each car length ahead…each mile or two we move forward…When we look back we’ve accomplished a mountain. We’ve run the race set before us. We’ve done SOMETHING.

And all of those teeny tiny somethings, make up for a really great feeling when we look back on it.

Just three, four days ago we were all looking back. Reviewing.

Today we look forward.

Cleansing our lives and bodies and schedules and freezers.

Breathing through all of it.

Releasing old patterns of behavior, blessing it and letting it go.

And now…we begin again.

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around…right?

This is generally where I go back through the year’s posts and take a look at what it brought us, where it took us, and where it’s leading us. I still might do just that but for the most part, 2011 was a year of change around here.

That Grad School Thing became a reality. Navigating school and work and bills and litter boxes and friends was quite a row to hoe. But as I paid my mortgage payment yesterday I said my monthly mantra…”we can stay here one more month!”

My friends had a lot to take in this year, transplanting to another state, buying a business, turning 40, dealing with dating again after a time on the bench, illness and recovery, marriages dissolving, relationships resolving. Children are growing older, so are parents. We’ve lost some of both this year. Heartbreak and sadness are balanced with the joy of birthdays and milestones reached.

The world keeps spinning, the politics divide and unite, we run the race set out before us but with each day we know a universal truth:

That race is so much easier with cheerleaders like you. You with your Hooray’s and your clapping and cheering. You with your YOU CAN DO THIS and your gentle nudging and pushing. You with your smile, quick and fleeting that says a thousand words.

One foot forward.

Just a mile or two faster…just a car length ahead.

Forward Motion.

Won’t it be exciting to see where it takes us in 2012?

So much going on!

My house is finally clean. I got some face time with Chris, Cindy and Talaura. Audra bought her restaurant. I had the gorgeous day today off of work, to De-Christmas my house and take a stab at my laundry.

It feels good. Relief.

The weekend…New Years Eve…dude.

How the hell can that be here already???

What are your plans? I’m laying low. Watching the Thunder game and calling it a night. I’m having my annual NYDay open house, so I’ve got things to do.

Meanwhile, I’m heading out to get some groceries for my house, something that is NOT a cracker or cheese or starch, and I’m meeting a friend who’s hooking me up with Season 4 of Breaking Bad. That…THAT makes me super duper happy.

How are you spending the final moments of 2011?

My house is a wreck. Christmas is still up, and yet to be unpacked from my trip. Laundry is piled. The fridge is empty. Im having people to my house on New Years Day as usual and I’ve got a full day of banging hair today.

Sheesh.

Tomorrow night is the OU Bowl game, and I think I’ll stay home and clean while I watch. Saturday is NYE and I’m not going out, just going to watch the Thunder game with Scott and Becky and then come home. People will come over on Sunday for nosh and mimosas and that will be fine as far as celebration goes…

Im tired. I want my house in order. I want some sleep that doesn’t have a “to do” list hinged to it.

All in due time.

What I am excited about is seeing faces I haven’t seen. Cindy is on my book today at work, Talaura is coming over tonight. It’s been way too long. Time to refill on them!

Bless this mess. . . and let it go, right?

 

Did you survive?

Was it painful? Joyous? Overloaded with faces? Lonely?

Either way, it’s over.

Another day. Turn the page…

Facebook was full of wishes for a good day, statements of blessings observed, and a certain elf’s demise. Photos of gifts, of wrapping paper strewn about, of new dogs and shiny iPads and smiling faces. Shiny diamonds and newly made promises of forever love float around the atmosphere.

All of the tinsel added a little shine to a day, where there are empty hearts, missing loved ones, lonely aching for a wish to come true and it’s nice to think that the world had so much joy for a time. Lots of blessings.

We woke up here today a little drowsy, a little cranky, a little tinsel’d out.  Time to shift focus, prepare for another celebration with more fractured family trees, move forward…one car length ahead, a mile or two faster.

But before I get in the shower and clean my nephews pee off of my legs, I think I’ll sit here and watch them play in the living room floor. I’ll have another cup of coffee and watch some Band of Brothers on the tv. I’ll see Buzz Lightyear save the day…again. And I will remind myself that nothing is forever…every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.

 

There’s much said about the hustle and bustle and busy, frenetic energy that abounds this time of year. Holiday parties, friends and co-workers and Secret Santas occupy our days and nights. Fractured family trees, branches scattered across the county lines, are all trying to reconnect. Christmas cards with faces of love on them fill the mail box. Snowmen that sparkle in the night and twinkle lights outline homes on streets in cities, giving off a nice warm glow. It’s magical.

But there is also something to be said about the quiet, murky loneliness that can creep up, seep in, suffocate. It’s not dressed in a bright red suit, but it’s there. Palpable. With the strength of day old coffee, it enters your bloodstream. Crawls under the covers and lies with you, lies on you, weighty, solid.

It’s not a John Hughes angst, per se. It’s subtle. Simple things like the whispered wish for a reason to hang Christmas stockings next year, or the desire for a Facebook status that includes hearts, or just the sound of other voices living in the house…simple things like that can take on a life of their own this time of year.

It’s hard.

It’s hard to juggle the joy and love during a time of year that will, without fail, peel the scab off of a wound long thought healed.

Blessings come, however, in all shapes and sizes. With the words of friends still unmet, there is understanding. With immediate offers of love and laughter and pizza and wine, there is support, unending, without judgement. Tables full of faces known for years, for months, for minutes bring back the warmth and reaffirm that life is full of light.  Laughter. Unending, tears, screams, pearl clutching seizures of laughter…it’s better than a gilded sword of battle. It fights off the lonely. It fills up the empty.

I am overflowing. My heart, with all of it’s scar tissue and scabs and empty wishes…is full.

I hope your holiday weekend is full of warmth, full of light, and that you’re filled with enough love to fight back, stand firm and believe in a little magic.

I ended the evening with girl talk and laughter last night, and started my morning with a massage by a master therapist. He worked on spots that hurt that I didn’t even know I had. A few times I thought I was going to either cry or just punch him, but in a gawdang that feels so good kind of way.

I’ve paid my mid month bills and have a full afternoon and evening of clients tonight.

Only two gifts left to buy for the family.

Yesterday’s tests, the mammogram and the ultra sound were easy breezy. Checked that off my list.

Everything is falling into place!

Lot’s of people have been asking about my grades this semester. And lot’s of people are being so supportive and saying things like “I know you made all A’s” and the like…I don’t want to let you down but I’m telling you straight up I didn’t make all A’s. Some sort of cocktail of A’s and B’s and we’ll know about it next week when grades get posted. Either way, I learned a great deal from all three classes and feel better equipped going into next semester.

It’s turned cold again today, yesterday we were in the high 60s even 70s some places and today it’s brrrrrr rabbit.

Hope that wherever you are, you’re warm, healthy, and feeling as good as I am about life in general.