My oh my are we celebrating today! Yay for you Normals, it’s FRIDAY!!! WooHOOOOOOO! Lot’s going on this weekend starting with multiple birthdays today!

Mindi is hanging on to her 30’s today, with white knuckled hands. She and I have been acquaintances for most of our lives, but just became friends over these past few years. I say it all the time, but God Bless Facebook. It’s brought amazing people into my life, Mindi being at the top of that list.

Happy Birthday my dear! From myself and your delicious man!

Spencer is also another year older. As he preps for his upcoming nuptials next month, we give him a high five for navigating this life as if he’s the one who wrote the freakin map. He’s taught me the meaning of friendship and overcoming ridiculous proclamations and what it means to find true humor in life. For you my friend…I say CAKE! and Pez. xoxo

And finally we get to celebrate SEAN PATRICK tonight! He quietly snuck into his 40’s last week amid family and shamrocks and green beer…but tonight? Tonight we SING! Tonight we officially kick his ass into the next decade.

SP and I have been friends for years. Junior High. High School. Beyond. I’m so excited to see how his life is working and even amid those feast or famine, or when we’re just all feasting on shitty shitty bang bang…he’s got style and humor and strength of heart to match it all.

I canna wait for tonight.

This one’s for you my dear.

That frackingfrack blue ray player I got yesterday? was the fracken frack display. there were no papers, no instruction booklet, no HDMI cord, no nothing in it. so guess who was at Sam’s for the THIRD DAY IN A ROW???

this girl.

However, I’ve got the bedroom tv hooked up with dvd/roku. I have no sound on said dvd, but that’s my bad and will figure it out. The new blue ray/internet apps are up and running in the living room.

I have the night to myself, and I cooked salmon and sauteed veggies with a almond butter fold over for dessert. I have things I need to be doing…tax stuff, sorting stuff…but my first appt is at 8:45 am and then I head right to Job 2 for the entire day. And I’m tired. And I didn’t work out tonight. And I’m on the couch watching Cleopatra with the Lovely Elizabeth Taylor.

And that’s the end of that.

Ya know, every time I see Bradley Cooper (he’s coming up on the Today show this morning) I think of his character in He’s Just Not That In To You…and my automatic response is:

douchebag.

I’ve got another day full of clients, then to Job 2, then back to salon, then to work out then home. Home to take care of the dishes that have been “soaking” in the sink since Monday night. Home to finish hooking up the tv/player stuff. (BTW, my new bedroom tv is a Vizio. The word “VIZIO” at the bottom of it lights up when it’s powered on. Problem is, and I don’t know if it can be fixed, or if I can find some sort of settings thing to take care of it, or if I need some duck tape, but the damned word doesn’t ever go “dark” –it’s like I’ve got this uber night light in my room. Doesn’t bode well for someone with sleep issues anyway. Gah. So. That’s on the list for tonight.

I’ve been given some amazing resources to look into for That Grad School thing. Thank you everyone for your support and your comments. Seriously. They do keep me motivated and keep me going. I appreciate it more than you know.

I’m sad about Elizabeth Taylor. More so than I thought I would be. I’m stupid busy this weekend, but am hoping on Sunday to have myself a few Liz Movies…Virginia Woolf  to be sure. I’ve never seen Butterfield 8…have you? Do you have a fav?

It’s Thursday. That means for you Normals…one more day! Hang on kids, you’re almost there! (I’m dreaming of my bed, CBS Sunday Morning and coffee)

 

I need an assistant.

My list of things to do, (serious things not “buy light bulbs” —shit. I actually need to buy light bulbs.) is incredible. Even with daylight savings…there’s not enough hours in the day. This week I’m up at work between 8-9 at both jobs. Today I have a color correction class at the salon…my first appointment isn’t until 11 so on one hand…my day didn’t really have to begin until 11. On the other, I’ll just roll in looking like this. (bedhead no makeup swollen eyes picture here) and after it’s over I’ll go down to KokoFit and workout.

I did manage to get my bedroom tv exchanged and set up. Not without three hours of driving all over hells half acre and phone calls and bla bla bla’s. I was worn out, and yet aware of how wrong it is to get sideways about my bedroom fabulous tv. Poor Little Lord Fauntleroy and her tv..wah wah wah…It was cheaper to get a tv without a dvd built in and just buy a player so I bought a blue ray. still not spending more money than on the first tv. And these blue rays are coming with internet apps built in. So my Roku can move to my bedroom and I can still streamline from the living room. Perfect. But I get it here and it’s not the wireless, so I’d need to buy another router. Well, for what I spent on the first tv, I can add 30 bucks and have the blue ray/internet apps in the living room, dvd/roku/new tv in the bed room. See? reading it is hive-worthy. Stupid. But it’s stuff like this that needs to be taken care of.

The back room? it’s almost beautiful again. I need a day. A full day to tackle what’s left back there and dig into mounds and mounds and mounds of paperwork. I’ve got stacks. And tucked under stacks. And boxes and things filled with paperwork. I’ve got reciepts and lists and tax stuff. . . I need a day.

The back yard is…in need. I need a full day. I did go out to water the garden last night…and woke up at 6am remembering that I left the water on.

we’ll just make believe that it was a big rain storm.

yeah. That’s what we’ll do.

Yesterday’s brain juice was sucked up by oil and gas leases and banging hair and thinking about my future. I told my mom. (that’s always a big deal. and after all the things I’ve done in my life, every time she hears me say “this is what I want to do when I grow up” she is so supportive) I told a few clients who were so excited for the adventure. One who said, “why don’t you just proceed until you can’t, instead of waiting for it all to align?”

good advice.

And then I received an amazing email. This is an example of how wonderous life can be. Way back in 98-99 I was touring in the Mitten and finally met the missing pieces of my soul in Dion and Kizz. Through the years and the NYC trips, I have come to know Kizz’s own tribe in NYC. One of them being Pony Express. We’ve brunched. We’ve hung out. We’ve done all kinds of stuff. We’ve actually known each other for a long time. This past trip for my 40th birthday, we brunched and she continued my cannoli/pastry education, supported my perogi ordering (i got one of everything) made me also feel better by commisserating on my arrival hangover, and enlightened me as to how real pumpkin pie is made. So yeah, we don’t chat but once a year, but we are friends. Yesterday she emailed me after reading this blog and told me that her mother was a font of useful information in the grad school thing and if I was interested, she could connect us and I could glean what info I could from her. And then she said this…”I get the pull by the way…I think you’d make a fabulous professor”

How cool is that?

My brain has already started working on other things I need to do. I need to get ready and attack this morning. I’ve got clients all day into the evening. I’m meeting my friends tonight, Tara (who just lost her mother and grandmother in a week being one of them).

Happy whateverthisdayis, ya’ll

 

In my ponderings for my future, I’ve wondered aloud and silently…am I too old?

Now, hear me out. I know it’s never too late. I know that age is just a number. I absolutely believe that education is there for anyone at any time…leap and grab that opportunity! One hundred percent I support and believe all of that.

My point was…I’m 40 years old. This track, this Masters then perhaps Doctorate track..that’s a long time to invest into another career. Should I, realistically, look at another avenue, in order to have the life I want sometime before I’m 80 years old. Is it irresponsible to just want to do this, when I maybe should look somewhere else for money/benefits/stablility that will pay off earlier than this grad school thing. (Thats what I’m calling it. This Grad School Thing.)

Whit left a comment yesterday, that got me to thinking about how we perceive ourselves…in my mind? I’ve never really left academia. But there are many many people in my life today who only know me via banging hair. Some don’t even know I have my degree at all. I mean, why would someone work all that time for a B.A. and then just go be a hair stylist? Right? Don’t laugh. I’ve had women in my chair ask me just exactly that, disdain dripping from their voice, razor blades in their tone.

But we are continiously reinventing ourselves. Madonna taught us how well that pays off…seriously. I still love her. We are always moving forward, trying to figure it out. Do more. Be better. Just trying to figure it out.

So, I no longer wonder if I’m too old to do This Grad School Thing…now I wonder when I’ll figure out how to pay for it and just jump in. I’m ready to peel back this layer and find the new, fresh, pink.

**Hazel Soares Image Credit and Story

Have you ever had a teensy tiny thought trickle into your brain? More importantly, while your brain is made up of mostly ice cold Stella Artrois and laughter, and beautiful words flowing back and forth with people that you love and your barriers and negative voices are down and out…that teensy tiny thought trickles in and plants itself. Tucks itself away behind the dirty jokes and the biscuits and gravy and just….sits.

Every day it digs in deeper and deeper. Past all the “what if’s”. Pushes through all of the “there’s no way’s” . Streaks naked through the “You Can’t’s” and flips off the “You’re Too Old’s” and finally reaches the finish line…high fives all around from the “We’ve been waiting on you’s” and “You CAN’s”

Welp.

I’m somewhere between the there’s no way’s and the high fives.

This grad school thing? It’s running. It’s something that hasn’t left my head or my heart since it snuck in. I’m seeking counsel from those who know me, who’ve been down this path before me. There’s more to seek. More information to gather. I still have more unanswered scary “there’s no way’s” doing synchronized swimming in my brain than I have the peppy cheery “this is how you’ll pay for it’s”…but we’re making forward progress.

There are lots of things I can do that would be easier than this. Any of the big oil and gas companies…the Big C here in town…any of that would reap muy benefits, and a steady income. But I haven’t moved forward on any of that. It’d be easy to go get a “grown up job”—so why am I sitting here with this beautiful morning outside, crying because I’ve just read words of encouragement from my true mentors? The thought of being back in my world of academia, of being around like minded and like hearted people, of eventually going to work and talking about A.E. Houseman and Joseph Campbellforcryingoutloud…

I got into hair because I wanted money. And I wanted to work in a place where there was teamwork and support and laughter. And I wanted to have the freedom to come and go as I choose. And the most important…because I loved talking to people. I love making people feel good…letting them see themselves in a new light.

Isn’t that what great literature and art does for us all?

I’ve got a lot of work to do until we turn this bitty piece of sand into something wearable…but I thought you’d like to know where I’m headed with it.

 

 

 

 

Lot’s of jumbled up bits in my head. I thought I would just purge here, in no particular order.

This past week was a flop in the working out/eating department. I’m not even going to weigh in tomorrow. And don’t get crazy, I’ll be back on the wagon, but I’d rather get some hours and work at Job 2 all day, some of the day, whatever the family situation permits…

I am giving serious thought—and by serious, I mean SOME because before Wednesday, I wasn’t even considering the possibility—of applying to grad school. Get my Masters. Perhaps my Ph.d. English with a focus on British Lit. Find a fabulous little college and teach….I have no idea how to do it. where to look. I have no idea about money, or bills or financial aid. I have no idea if I can sell my house for more than I paid for it. I have no idea about any of it. But…this situation is so very close to when I chose to quit working and move to Chickasha and go to school full time. It was just a phrase uttered by a random girl…and it marinated in my brain…and became. I don’t know if this is anything. If it will become anything. I don’t know if I’m too old to strike out on this adventure, or if I’m able to even begin it. . . But it’s in my brain…and taking up a LOT of space.

My friend Tara, who lost her mother last week? Lost her grandmother today. Seriously.

I didn’t go to church today. I played with my nephews and my friends children all afternoon into the evening with the party culminating with Wonderboy and Wonderbaby outside, howling at that amazing moon with their Aunt Misti. No. Really. We howled at the moon. Wonderboy, did it grudgingly, muttering “you’re not right” under his breath as he walked away. But Wonderbaby? He howled his most tiniest fiercest howl. It rocked. My point, and I do have one, is that I fell asleep on the couch the minute I got home. Frontier dirt still on my feet, I shuffled to the bed shortly after and slept right through the morning. I didn’t hit breakfast with Mom and Burl, but I did catch some tv church and the scripture he was teaching today was this: Matthew 6: 25-34
it’s about worry. and how uneccessary it all is. “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself”

i needed that today.

Let me just insert how much fun it was to see all of you at the Frontier yesterday. I loved seeing you and your kids, and playing with them, and laughing with all of the chaos…did my heart just loads of good.

I have done laundry, cleaned my room, watered the garden. I’ve watched some eps of Gilmore Girls, and nibbled on pita chips. I’m gorging myself on water, hopefully to flush out all the sodium ingested this past week. I’ve signed up Brokedown Palace for our new recycle program here in the Village. and later, when my sis and b-i-l return from taking Crazy MeMe back to Crazytown, they’re going to come help me load up a car full of STUFF so I can donate it. tv’s. furniture. stuff. I also am going to return my new bedroom tv/dvd combo that has refused to work for a month. We’ll then return to the Frontier, and enjoy one last evening together…all too brief…but Loads Of FUN!

Happy Sunday, ya’ll.

Whew…Wednesday and Thursday are blurry. The funeral was a rough one, for many reasons…but we were there for our friend and hopefully that is something. Trish and I went up to the patio and met Audra and had a cocktail or two and a gab session that made The Witches of Eastwick look tame. It was fantastic. Audra and I, having no time together for what seems like years, continued the party on up until 4am.

yeah.

4am.

I had already taken off work for both jobs yesterday to watch NCAA first day of the tourney, so I spent from about 10:45 till 7:30 at the bar watching ball.

I was asleep before 9pm.

I’m looking forward to today, great clients, some time at Job 2, and Mi Familia are arriving! I’m hoping for a good day weather wise tomorrow because we’re having one of those bouncy things for the birthday party. I think it’s gonna be a great weekend and I’m ready to soak up some family love.

in a side note: the married guy has text me a few times, these overly polite testing the water type of texts, and i’ve replied Thank You both times. Manners, after all shouldn’t go to waste just because someone else is a fuckstick.

I didn’t really say anything to him after he revealed his marital status. I just kind of looked at him and let him finish his story, then excused myself to to go the restroom and when I came back I said I was ready to go and he asked for his check. I have never been more thankful to have listened to my gut feeling and driven myself in my entire life.
I’ve been sporadically annoyed with it the last few days…I mean, how do you talk/text every day for a week, talk of future plans, and not mention that you’re still married. Fuckstick.

In better news:

Yesterday was SP’s 40th birthday! We will properly celebrate him next weekend and launch him into this new decade with karaoke and laughter. It’s not a bad place, this age box.

Happy Friday, ya’ll.

I really really really need to be up and at the gym right now, but I woke up with a headache from grinding my teeth and dreaming crazy so I may just say…sit. drink coffee. rest. This morning is filled with about three or four clients, and then I will make the journey westward to my hometown. I will gather with friends. And we will go to the funeral of one of our mothers.

Here are a few things that have developed this week.

I have to buy a lawn mower. I’ve had a “loaner” from a friend the past three years. I use “quotes” because every year he’s said, Just Keep It. It’s yours to have. and I would say, “oh noooo, it’s okay” and after three years of that, I said, “OKAY” and thought that was sweet, I have a lawn mower.

This week I get a text from him that said, “hey, do you still have my lawn mower?”

deep breath.

So I’m on the lookout for a mower. I was thinking pawn shops. Just something to get the grass cut until I can save up for a really good one…but I won’t need it for a while…just one more thing on the list.

In Other News:

Last week, I met someone. A guy. An aquaintence of a friend. He was nice, and kind and we talked easily with each other. We went out last week. Spent 3 hours talking and laughing. It was actually, surprisingly, nice. No spark, no za za zu, but I had pretty much wrapped my head around that not being an issue. We went out again last night, to a really nice place for dinner. Well. We didn’t really eat dinner. We had two appetizers. And they were decadant and delicious and I was ok with the points/calories I was eating and drinking until he told me he’s still married to his wife. Seperated but married, nonetheless.

Now. We all know I gave up married men for Lent years ago. All I could think of was, “I blew my weeks worth of points AND missed trivia with my friend last week FOR THIS?????”

married.

nice.

I’m annoyed. Disappointed. A little angry. My clenched jaw headache is reminding me. The Voices have started marching in time like a damned band in the Macy’s Parade. Girls all around me date date date. They go from guy to guy like the people bouncing on those red balls on Wipeout.

 

I’m not saying he’s not nice, still. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t hang out socially with him with other people. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate his honesty…

I’m saying I don’t go out with married men.

Gah. Gonna just shake it off and move on. My family is coming in this weekend. NCAA Basketball starts tomorrow. Sean Patrick turns 40 tomorrow! It’s a big big week full of big big fun so I’m not going to let this be a blot on it. And really, it’s nothing compared to what my friend Tara is dealing with today. We’re all too damned young to be losing our mothers…so there’s some perspective.

and it’s going to be 75 degrees today.

So. That’s what’s going on over here, how’s your life?

Trying to post this from my phone…had to reload a bunch of stuff. Test One Two Three…(Anything but that) -I always sing that line from Rent

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