I’m giving up Facebook for Lent.

*cue gasp*

*cue WTF*

*cue guffaw*

*cue disdain*

*cue my middle finger*

 

Here’s the dealio.

No. I’m not Catholic. But you’re not a stupid group of readers. You know that its not specific to that brand of living to observe this time in the calendar. You know, the five of you that read regularly, that life has been a bit of my snaggled tooth bitch these past few days/weeks/months…and that I’m searching for some peace and some answers.

Lent, is a time of reflection. Be ye a secular or non secular bunch…it’s a time to gather yourself and focus yourself on the upcoming 40 day span, and see what you can see. It has come to my attention that I can’t seen shit because I’m on the Facebook in every moment between moments. It’s a cloudy place, what with all the status updates and check in’s and where and who and what and when…

I’ve got some shit. Some stinky icky blooey gooey shit that I need to figure out. I’m not a happy person down to my bones…right now. This is unusual. It’s not who I truly am, because who I truly am is a happy person down to my bones. SO…for the next forty days I’m going to become less distracted. I shall wean myself off of your every move and scratch and fart. . . and don’t think I’m not interested. Oh hells balls, I’m interested in your farts. I’m interested in EVERYTHING YOU DO AND SAY AND THINK at the VERY MOMENT YOU DO AND SAY AND THINK IT!!!!

fuckaround.

that’s a lot of shit to consume.

smack smack smack…tasty. says the fat girl at the buffet.

Lent, for me, is a sacred time. I wasn’t raised to observe it. We First Baptists didn’t do much in the way of tradition or ceremony. We showed up, sang a few stanzas of Just As I Am, passed the plate, listened to some “you people suck and Im #winning” and then headed out to the nearest buffet or home to rip those pantyhose off and pull that slip over our heads and play “someday I’ll be a bride and he will love me and I’ll be skinny and perfect”

As I’ve grown older, and searched and asked my own questions and found my own answers, it has become a time for ME…to reflect and to contemplate and to really commit to the person I want to be, the friend I wish I was and the life I want to live.

So for the next 40 days, I am going to work on that. I want to be better to you. My friends. You…every single one of you are better to me than I ever am to you. I want to be a better sister. Daughter. Co-worker. Co-conspirator.

And I want to be better to me. I need to dislike myself less. Criticize my ass less. Need reassurance and validation less. I need to get back to that bawdy loud quirky bitch that has lived here for so many years!!! Bitch has been eating too many cookies and lost her voice…

we’re working on that.

So. All those facebookers that have come over to hang out…comment. stay. read. This is a really nice place full of sometimes boring “this is what I ate today” posts. But sometimes you get a nugget like THIS THAT YOU CAN READ.

(see, when it’s highlighted, you can click on it and it takes you somewhere else!)I

If you’re observing Lent, I hope you had a fantastic Fat Tuesday. I did. Friends, strong drinks, new people to meet…twas a loverly night. If you are not observing Lent…I hope you had a fabulous Fat Tuesday. Boobs! Beads! Debauchery!

doesn’t really matter what you observe. it’s a great holiday!

 

 

Gah. Gained this week. But less than half a pound. Still…not a loss. Looking back, there were dinners out, decadent dinners out, wine, some emotional eating of fried burgers and fries…It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. SO I know I’m still using the tools I’ve learned, and am working on it one step at a time. I need to go workout today. I’ve got laundry to do and files to build for Job 2 and clean sheets to put on the bed. I need to get my head wrapped around the upcoming week. It’s bleak on the salon front, so I’m even more grateful for Job 2.

Let me tell you about the church I’ve started going to. Ok, I’ve attended twice. But I like it. It’s the Village Christian Church. a brand that I’ve never been to before, it’s also called Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) so it’s a specific brand of Christian. Anyways, I’ve looked up online the background on the brand and I like what I’ve seen. Lots of focus on working/helping others, including EVERYONE, so it seems to be very tolerant of humanity with all it’s flaws. There’s also the element of tradition and ceremony that I love about the Catholic and Lutheran church. Lent begins this week, so I’ll be attending Ash Wednesday service and I love that. The main minister is a woman, and she’s a pretty good speaker. The median age of the congregation is older, but that doesn’t bother me too much. Everyone is friendly and I feel comfortable going by myself. SO. there’s that.

Also, I’ve decided what I’m giving up for Lent. I’m giving up Facebook.
yeah. I know.

anyways, I think I’m going to maybe take a nap. Rest a bit. I have stuff to do this afternoon/evening so I think I’ll just be easy on myself today…if I can manage it.

I just had an amazing experience. I did iChat with Dion who is in Michigan doing a show until June. It was fabulous. We talked for about an hour. We could see each other, hear each other, Oh man Oh MAN. I think you know this about me, but LAWD do I love technology!!!!!

Did my heart good. Was like he was right here, this split apart of mine, right here on my couch. And when I told him of my questions and concerns he answered right back and just knowing that he’s on this path of questions with me? Makes me feel a whole lot better about being home on a Saturday night when everybody is out THERE having fun and being social. Me with my files, billing hours to Job 2…I’m ok with it.

I’m ok with it because I just spent the last hour with my Dion. Laughing and loving and just being together. Even if it is through pixals and waves…I’ll take it.

Beam me up.

We have a few things to celebrate and I think it’s fitting, especially after my hormonal downer of a week, to do just that today.

1) KIZZ is HOME from CHINA!!!
Girl has been in the rice paddies for two whole weeks with Queen Bee and Mr. Li. She’s been slurping noodles, and taking eleventybagillion photos, all the while sending updates when she could. Yesterday she, and her luggage, arrived safely home in Brooklyn where she is I am sure, dealing with her animal babies who are both happy to have her home and getting even with her for leaving and an amazing case of jet lag. Home home home. I know she’s hours away from me, but I finally have instant access to her via internet/instant message on the blackberry and THAT makes me very happy. We have a phone date this weekend, after she readjusts and wraps her brain around it and I can’t wait to hear her stories. What a trip.

2.) Chris and Cindy FOUND A HOME in KCMO!!!
They went up this week, to get the lay of the land, and find a home for them and Hooper their animal baby. Finding a rental property that will allow dogs is increasingly difficult so the fact that they found a house so fast, that fits what they need for right now is just a blessing. I don’t have many details other than it’s small, the dog stays, and it’s close to Cindy’s new job. It’s got to be a load of relief for both of them and I say YAY!!! Home Sweet Home!

3.) Audra has moved back into her home this past week. She rented it out when she went down south to culinary school, and finally the woman got out, and she and Joe and Noodle are back in. I think they moved with breakneck speed, and they are juggling Noodle’s play rehearsals, Joes’ job, Audra’s baking business and bartending shifts. Holy hells bells, right? But she’s back. The missing piece to her life is finally in place and all is well. Click your heels three times, right?

4.) Lynn is coming home. This is a mixed blessing. On one hand, I’m happy to have her back in the 405. But her job in Wyoming closed up shop, and it was one we were expecting to last for at least a year. So there is some feelings of WTF??? and some uncertainty in this whole thing, however she’s got the right attitude. She has contacts and has a bit of a plan formed. With that she will land right on her feet and not miss a beat…

5.) While I’m writing this, and the theme is becoming very apparent, let’s throw out some good joo joo to Kathy and Jason who are looking for a new home. This is a crazyass process and one that I’ve only done once, but dang, it was stressful. So, here’s to easy looking, and a perfect home on the horizon for them!.

Apparently the common thread is HOME in this post. Something I didn’t realize when I started typing. It’s nice, especially since I’m feeling so disconnected and discontent, to see peace and comfort among those I love. Home. I’m glad for all of you to be where you are, to get to where you’re going, and to have you in my life.

Happy Friday!

I’ve felt, for some time now, that my path is going to shift. Career-wise. I thought maybe I just needed to try a different approach, take more control, make more money…and that did help. But I had sort of a mental break/through yesterday and I really know that doing hair full time is not what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.

It IS something that I will do for the rest of my life. I will keep my license and do family and friends. I’d like to be able to work three evenings a week to keep a select few clients. But that’s getting the cart before the horse.

I don’t know WHAT exactly I’m doing to do. And that poses many questions and lot’s of grief from The Voices in my head. I know my strengths are working with people, with the public. I’m easily trainable. I can write. I’ve had many experiences in my work history to show how adaptable my strengths are. I’m going to work on a resume….and just pray about it.

For right now, I’m still doing Job 2 at the oil and gas office. I’ll work as much there as possible, while doing my clients.

My mental breakdown/through came yesterday when I realized I had a full day of clients, and got to work and had one morning haircut, then nothing untill the evening. Just a full day of cancellations/postponements. Oh, and I’ve been so frazzled doing everything and nothing well, that I totally forgot to pay the middle of the month’s bills last month. I’ve never ever ever been late on a car payment. Ever. So I got everything paid, got money deposited. Robbing Peter to pay Paul a little but will still manage to send the payoff check for my computer to Roger next week.

I can’t stand the instability. I’m 40 years old. I need to know what my paycheck is going to be each month. I need something with benefits. I need to get something into a retirement account. And it’s all making me absolutely crazy. Hot crazy Charlie Sheen mess.

But I don’t want to leap into just anything because it’s a “stable job” I want to make sure it’s the right move. And the job climate isn’t the most friendly for this kind of ridiculousness so I’ve got that going against me. And I’ve worked so hard over the last six years, building a clientele, continuing education, all of it. It’s stressful. But I know I have got to do something different.

so there’s that. I’m not really doing much else in life other than working, working out, coming home. I’m not in the mood to be social much, saving money, finding cheap or free things to do. I haven’t been to the bar since Superbowl. Everyone thinks it’s because of the “friend drama” but really it’s because I have no interest in spending money and drinking calories.

once again, I am here.
I find no comfort in this place. I find no excitement. Just…here I am again. Why can’t I just stick with anything? Where am I supposed to be? I sure as hell don’t know.

on the bright side, it’s going to be 73 today. I’m going to the office for all the day. I do have one haircut around the lunch hour. it’s a new day.

Yesterday was a crazy one. I was up way early to take Lynn to the airport, then work out then hit Job 2 for 8 hours. I ran to pick up a birthday gift then right to the celebrations for Pseudo Sis 2! Alas, no time to post anything here, and you can see by my last entry four days ago.

Alas, Pseudo Sis 2 is another year more fabulous. We gathered for presents and then caravaned to PF Changs for some nosh and fun. We had a few crazy moments, as we always do. Poor Huddy grabbed a crispy green bean and before noshing on that, dipped it in the HOT MUSTARD….ohhhh nooooo! And because we were a big top and of course our waiter had been double sat, so only one person at the table actually had any liquid to help the kid out! Poor Grandma Betty’s water then got knocked over. We were opening splenda packets to put on his tongue. I got some random waiter to get us some milk….crazytimes! But that’s a night with family, and while I’m sad for the kiddo’s pain, I wouldn’t change a thing.

She’s got a busy busy life, that is about to get busier with the season, so when we can find some time together we grab it. I’m looking forward to a Sunday afternoon on a patio with her very soon.

Happy Belated Birthday Maegen I hope this next year brings you more of what you’ve already got…Bliss!

Friday ended the week with a wonky twist. I was pretty much sideways for awhile, and then really disappointed because plans got cancelled…But the weekend has steadily improved!

It was a busier week at the salon, which meant time at Job 2 was minimal. Turns out this was the week that the Big Wig was in town, and my lack of presence was known. The comment was made, that “we may need someone who can work more hours”. Of course, I immediatley panicked PANIC!! END OF THE WORLD. NO MORE EXTRA MONEY. DEATH. PESTILENCE. DYING. BLACK NIGHTS….drama queen.

Here’s the thing. My focus, for now, is on my salon business. I’ve invested a lot of time and money into this, and while it’s not the most stable of jobs, and I honestly can’t tell you that I want to retire from doing it, it is my focus. The wedding season is gearing up, I’ve got one shift in March, but it’s going to be a busy busy season. If I can work out a schedule to help in the office, and not hurt my other job, and not drain my own self, I will hopefully continue the work. But I really honestly think they need someone who can do about 20-40 hours a week to help get caught up. And I’m not that girl. I don’t have that kind of extra time. I think that if I give up my Monday’s off, that I will eventually become a very bad human. It seems trivial, but most of you don’t work Saturdays. This would only give me one day. Sunday. And a lot of my bartending shifts are on Sunday. So…we’ll see. We’ll just see. If it works out that I can help, can actually HELP at the office, and it works out? Great! But if not, it’s NOT the end of the world as we know it and I won’t have to sell the house and go live in a homeless shelter. *drama queen*

I’ve been doing a lot of praying. Meditating. Talking to God about what to do with this whole grown up/career/money making thing. I don’t have any answers. But I assure you, I’m searching for one. I’ll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, Lynn’s flight from Wyoming got cancelled due to weather. Which means our night at Mahogony got cancelled. For the second time. DANGIT!!! But she’s back in the 405 and we’ve got fabulous plans for the Oscars tonight! IT”S MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!! I’ve got two bottles of bubbly chillin in the fridge. I’m super excited!

Last night was spent eating mounds and mounds of sushi, and celebrating Chris and Cindy’s new adventure. There were a few goodbyes, and a few more tears. I will see them before they leave for good. Right now we’re all just super excited to see where they will live, what the details will be, etc. It’s gonna suck big ones when they’re gone, but I had my big fat meltdown when I found out they were moving. I know I’ll cry when they leave, but just because I love them so so much. The Jen’s and I already have plans to trip it in August. Xanadu the musical is playing at a fabulous theatre up there and we’re a going!!!

I’m sippin my hot coffee, watching CBS Sunday Morning. Loving my one day off. Takin’ it easy breezy.

Shout out to my cousin Patrick. Pat. He got engaged to his lovely Toni whilst road trippin in Phuket. I’m the only one that has yet to meet the dear girl, but if she’s willingly leaping into this family tree, with the lot of us nuttier than squirrel poo, then she’s alright by me!

Snot. Sinus. Lack of mobility in the neck area. Not great sleep, but better than previous weeks.

Whatever the frack tree pollen is in the air, hopefully the great rains we had today washed it away. I do feel better. I’ve been to see Mc Cracken twice and he wants to see me once this weekend. I love that I’ve known my chiropractor since I was a sophomore in high school. He also treated my sinus stuff. I have suppliments and the neti pot. Did I tell you that my claritin was expired? I have new zyrtec so it’s all good. I got a massage from my therapist at work and holy hell, by tomorrow? I will be good as new!

Through it all, I’ve managed to get a workout done three out of the four days, and plan on hitting it tomorrow morning. The loss on Monday was so inspiring, I just want more. I’ve got several things on the calendar this year, something fun each month starting in April, and I just want to feel cute, and feel GOOD! woohooo.

what else? fracken weather. low of 28 tonight and brrrrrrr.

It’s a big weekend. Lynn is coming home, and we’ve got plans. Also, Chris and Cindy’s final feast is Saturday. We’ll send them off with laughter and sushi. That’s good, right? right.

jeez. this weeks Parenthood is killing me.

ok. I’m officially boring. peaceout

Diana’s wedding dress is on the Today show this morning…all these years later, and I’m a puddle. There are very few of you still in my life that understand my love of her…

Where does it come from??? JEEZlouise. Woke up in the middle of the night too hot, coughing, no breathing…Mucinex. Neti Pot. OH YEAH, did I tell you? the 90million hours of 24 hour claritin that I was taking??? expired in 09. GAH. So at my weekly fruit buying trip to Sams, I picked up some Zyrtec. Lot’s of water, liquids, 1 Point Progresso chicken soup.

I don’t FEEL bad, per se, but I can feel my system being dragged down a titch. If I was in worse shape, I’d be bedridden for a few days, for sure.

As it was, I got a lot done. weighed in, lost 2lbs, headed to Sams for my weekly fruit supply and some new meds, went to KoKo to get my workout in, then home and I didn’t move until this morning. I’m feeling better today. So much snot. Seriously, what the hell??? gross. I’m going to Job 2 then banging some hair tonight then working out. Focused. Ready. Attack.

Sidenote…My best good friend Trish, who seriously, if we’d been this close during high school..we’d have been in Truh-uh-uh-ble. Welp, we’re live music lovers. She’s got more lined up for herself than I do, but we are seeing Wilco in May, we’re giving SERIOUS thought to going to Wakarusa this June. What is that you ask? It’s a three or four day music festival. We will be camping. (I will be borrowing my sister’s equipment as I turned in my camping badge years ago, however it’s in my dna. I’m not scared) and seeing eleventy million bands. Go here and look!

Her husband is deployed right now, so we’re just kind of feeling him out, seeing if he’s game. I’ll keep you posted!

Meanwhile, there’s a cat under my house caterwauling. I don’t know if Stormy has someone cornered down there in his kill room, or if it’s just a mouthy beast. Whatever, I want it OUT so that I can put the vent back on. It sounds like something out of a Disney movie down there. a DARK Disney movie.

Have a great day, ya’ll. I’m hitting the showers and heading to the office!

I lost! I lost! I lost!
and I had some sort of funky onset of a cold binging last night so I was worried…but I lost.
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