Mentally it was draining. Had a great continuing ed class in the morning. Watched two great haircut demos and some good lecture…then I was crazy ass busy from noon till 8pm. and I made a poor shoe choice. Mandrea had to dig out some flip flops for me, and yes. she is about fifty sizes smaller than I but I just shoved my feet halfway in…just enough to appease state board if they stopped by and worked it from there. My feet and legs still hurt today.
I’m dressed for the gym. Sippin coffee, sneezing, cleaning up cat vomit…it’s a Thursday. It’s slow at work, so I dont go in till 11 then I have some breaks in the day…
One thing I did yesterday was figure up my check. Today is payday. And its September so it’s a sloooooow pay period. I didn’t make commission. So I figured up what I would make, after paying my own taxes and boothrent…and it’s still so much more $. Still a good move on my part. Because I’ve been worrying about it don’t ya know. Nice to have that affirmation.
I’ve only got two weeks left.
gulp.
That’s in. one more bit of coffee and I’m going to run. Get my head clear for the day.
Did you know that the dragonfly signifies change? It’s my new mascot.
I got a LOT of stuff accomplished yesterday…but not in the way I wanted…everything wound up just left of center.
bought paint to finish out where the drywall was repaired. (my original paint had curdled so I got the exact color sample square thingy and the exact same paint…) Yeah it doesn’t so much exactly match. I got everything covered…and Andrea’s room looks good but the living room…I just don’t know what to do yet. I may run another coat over the wall that needed repaired and just call it good…
Bought duck tape to wrap the heavy plastic around the mattress set before I store it in my building. well. turns out it doesn’t hold too well and it’s not a one person two cat job. so that flopped. Andrea will help tonight.
My dishwasher has been brokedown for a week and on Monday I called my plumber. Yesterday I called an appliance repairman. The motor/pump is out and for 265.00 I could fix it. but for a few pennies more I can replace it. So there’s that.
I had two clients yesterday so I worked at home up until 3:30 so I got several things crossed off the list buuuuuut just seems like I didn’t get anything right. Ever have one of those days?
A few things that were good! I won my football pot the first week. $50.00!!! Huzzuah! I bought a ceiling fan for Andrea’s room. Her boyfriend will install it. Now we’ve got fans in every room which will help out with the bills! That was good…
Today is my last education class with this company. They’re doing three new haircuts so I’m going to soak up as much as I can get my hands on! One more sip of coffee and then I’m out. Have a blast today…it’s Humpday for you Normals! and it’s a brand new fresh day for all of us!
Cleaning out the guest room closet this morning and I found one of these. It’s a subway token that I must have got on my first trip to New York City. I gave it to a friend of mine back in 97 before I left on my first tour. He put it on a chain and wore it for 3 years, until we saw each other again.
mine is one that I brought back from one of my first trips to NYC
In a box full of things from that era, my Yoda Pez, heart shaped rocks, beads and sweetgrass…there it was. It wasn’t one of those moments that froze me and ripped me apart at the seams…but it did take me back.
There’s been a lot of life lived these past 12 years.
and I’m cleaning out the guest room…literally and metaphysically…prepping for another chapter.
there are moments when I think about money and the shift to the new job and what I should be doing or learning or already having figured out and I freeze. My stomach drops and I break out in cold sweat/hot flashes.
so. I’ve decided to wear this subway token on a chain. Not because I’m overly sentimental about the friend who put it there and wore it. Because I am always overly sentimental about that man. So, I can’t dwell on it or it will eat me up. I put those feelings somewhere tucked away. Safe. So, not as a reminder of him… But to remind me how far I’ve come…and where I’m going…and that the best things are only a subway ride away.
It’s a beautiful morning. There’s a breeze blowing through my house. There’s a thundery rain cloud moving my way. There’s fresh hot coffee in my mug. I am well rested. (two tylenol pm’s and my mouthguard thankyouverymuch) and I’m just thankful.
I’m watching the morning political shows. There are sooooo many polarizing subjects out there in the news cycle right now. So much anger and rage and line drawing. So much “if you don’t believe like we do you’re as good as a terrorist.” So much with the guy who’s burning books of faith. Dude is getting more fame and tv time than any Lindsay Lohan week. Quit putting a camera in his face. Let’s not put any more wood on the fire.
Our gubernatorial campaign is in full swing here in Oklahoma. I’m volunteering for the Democrat nominee. These past few weeks, not her opponent, but the actual Republican Governors Association has put out the most negative of campaign ads. Immediately crappy. Man oh man.
However today, I’m going to embrace the beauty of the calm. I’m going to use it to propell me to change my sheets and clean the kitchen. I’m going to try to not stress about the fact that my dishwasher isn’t draining. There’s water standing in the bottom of it and I’m scared as to what that’s going to cost me. Let’s all try to manifest an easy fix on that one. I’m going to go get another cuppa joe and I’m going to do a little at home workout this morning.
Starting at noon? FIRST COLTS GAME, baby!!! The NFL starts today and I’m going to go sit on a bars tool and watch. All Day Long. (not drink all day long, but watch mind you. I don’t want to undo all the good I did the last two weeks!)
Tomorrow I vow to make some headway on the guest room/Mandrea’s room. Buy a few groceries, and clean out the office closet.
This morning was my final workout in my 2 week Fat Flush starve-me-fast-kill-me-slowly program. The alarm went off at 5am and the cats immediately yawned and flipped me off. I made my protein shake and filled my water and got on the road. Yay, this morning we weighed in!
So. By that scale, I only lost 3lbs. Which immediately dropped my mood into the gutter. Then we did the body fat counting with one of these machines.
it's magic. and sometimes I think it's a liar.
The first read out, done under the very same settings as my initial weigh in, said that I’d lost 14 lbs of fat and gained 10 lb of muscle. Well. Ok. That’s a lot. But they do it on Biggest Loser all the time. My trainer didn’t believe it so we did it again. Same numbers. Still didn’t believe it so he re-jiggered the machine and I did it a third time. This time is said I’d lost 5lbs of fat and gained 2lbs of muscle.
So either I’m completely average, or I’m Biggest Loser. All of that, just hit my annoyed button. Just like…fuck around. all this work and there’s really no THAT’S AWESOME! instead there’s a THAT CANT BE RIGHT!
then we had to run around the building four times. then do 100 squats. then do 100 pushups. then run around the building 4 times.
there wasn’t enough curse words in my vocabulary so I had to start making some up.
PseudoSis2 was my motivator, and she’s amazing. rocked it right out. I told her to go on ahead of me, get it going. I had to power walk about half my laps but ya know what? two weeks ago I could not have done it.
so there’s that.
A few other things. In the past two days, I have learned of the passing of a college friend to cancer. He was a quirky, batshitcrazy little duck, but he was our quirky batshitcrazy little duck. And my heart is really saddened at the news of his loss.
Chrome told me last night, that another mutual person in our lives had to have his leg amputated due to cancer.
Note to ALL OF YOU.
NO MORE OF THE TRIBE BEING SICK OR DYING OR ANY OF THAT SHIT.
In a final note, and oddly related to the above news…I’ve been smoke free for two weeks. Done with it. Forever.
so there’s that.
I’m thankful that it’s Friday. I’m thankful that you are all healthy and here. I’m thankful that we can seek solace in our memories and make new ones just the same.
and I really like this Starbucks Anniversary Blend. It’s spicy. and bold.
go today…and let’s all emulate the Starbucks Anniversary Blend.
I Surrender!This day for me, anyways, is done. I’ve seriously hit the wall. My ovary hurts. My knee hurts. and my mood is really only marginally better. So. Im home. I have stuff to make soup. I’m going to nest and rest.
I thought I’d leave you with some good bits, however few they may seem to be.
MGirl told me I looked really skinny today.
FactoryGirl made the funniest Mad Men Jib-Jab things. I was the redhead. it was awesome.
Bonusmom came in and brought me back one of my copies of The Help, which I promptly loaned to Mandrea. SO excited for everyone to read this story.
Bonusmom then went off to buy herself a new phone. Yup!!! She’s now the proud owner of the new iPhone. No one deserves it more. Huzzuah!
We got lots of rain today. Perfect for the fall garden seeds out there. There’s still more coming. which…
is perfect for an afternoon replenishing nap.
When I wake up, I will make Santa Fe Soup. Healthy. Low Cal. High Fiber. Low Points. Generally all around delish.
this is me. only not as graceful. and add tears.
I’ve hit the wall.
I’m tired.
My wrists hurt.
My knee hurts.
Last night’s workout felt like my left ovary was being ripped from my body and still hurts today.
I couldn’t manage all of the jumping this morning. I did what I could.
I don’t want to get hurt. I have no health insurance.
I cried when I got into my car to drive home in the rain.
I could cry right now.
I have zero appointments today. zero.
I’m going to salon education at my new salon this morning. Product Knowledge class. I’m gearing up for it.
if I get to work, and nothing comes my way (which since I gave my notice I dont get any walkins or alternates) Im coming home to work. I’m going to paint the walls that need it, and dive into getting the house ready for a roommate.
Yeah…me neither. I’ve had a weekend of fun and I think I did pretty good on the food intake but starting yesterday I started getting anxious about the workouts again. Trying to figure out when they’ll be and gear myself up for the nutrition part of it this week…I have to admit I felt a lot better this weekend than I have in months. MONTHS. I got an email from my trainer and this link was in it…you know how much I love me some Rocky…anyways I thought I’d post it. It’s fitting.
How’s your weekend been? When the holiday falls on a Monday, it’s rare that we get a real three day weekend…alas our salon was closed on Saturday so this has been just glorious. Everyone needs a break, don’t you agree?
I’ve made the most of it thus far. Friday night I went to see my boyfriend George Clooney’s new movie. Slurp. I almost couldn’t sleep…Saturday I got up and went to bootcamp at 8:30, died for 45 minutes then thought now it’s REALLY the weekend! I got a cheapo pedicure and went and hung out with Mandrea for the afternoon. It was the first day of college football, so here in Then Plains that means National Holiday. No one really quite understands the religious fervor that people get into regarding either OU or OSU football unless you’ve spent any amount of time here. It’s nuts. And I love me some football…however did I watch? I did not. I went and picked up MGirl and we drove about 1hour and 45 minutes west to Clinton and watched our friends race cars! It was dirty and fun and loud and laid back and seriously one of the best Saturday night’s I’ve spent in years. Just…something different and fun! Of course, the drive back home was FOREVER. I was tired.
Yesterday I worked a wedding which, thanks to the “caterers” (and I use that term loosely) Poppsie and I had to do some different kind of work than just the bar. We had to set up the food and arrange the display and then…well it was crazy night. But all in all, well done. Quick facetime with Hawk on my way home and I crashed…
Today I feel like I want to putz around my house. I need to hit the grocery store and get my food prepped for the week. I want to go for a walk, maybe around the lake today. It’s gorgeous weather. But for right now, I’m sippin coffee and about to watch last night’s Mad Men ep…perfect Monday.
The first week of the 14 day workout/diet/fat flush/kill me slowly starve me fast routine. Workouts every single day save last night when I couldn’t drive to bootcamp because the storm that came through had hurricane force winds that bent the trees ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND. And look. Let’s be honest. It’s not like I need any amount of discouragement to not workout on a good day, much less on day 4 when I feel like I’ve hit the wall. SO…I did some at home stuff, stretching, sitting up bla bla bla, and was back at it at 6am today. One more bootcamp tomorrow at 8:30 then two days off.
It’s been the first week of booking my own clients…that’s been weird. But my first week at Salon W is shaping up nicely. I had a good phone call with one of my new managers last night and got some details straight in my head. A few nice things…next week I get to sit in on their education class. Product Knowledge, which it’s a new line. I’ve used only TiGi or Loreal Professional. This salon uses Bumble&Bumble and perhaps a few others. Anyways I’ll get to work with and learn about that line before I start and that’s nice. Also…when I asked about my products to use on my clients I was told that for starting there, they would buy me the ENTIRE LINE of Bumble & Bumble to start out with. As well as my first set of business cards! It’s nice to know I’m not out that $ right off the bat. I’m really getting excited about this now…
So. fear? Where’s the fear, you say?
The working out place is 20-25 minutes away. So I have a drive. It’s where my head goes. Thinking time which I don’t have much off in day to day life.
Daily this week I’ve felt fear.
Fear of working out.
Fear of not being able to finish it
Fear of throwing up. (seriously)
Fear of seeming whiny.
Fear of being the fattest one in class.
Fear of starting something and then quitting.
Fear of failure.
Fear of freezing up.
Fear of the people in the new salon not liking me.
Fear of feeling left out.
Fear of financial losses.
Fear of forgetting major things in the transition.
And then I began wondering where all of the fear really comes from…what was the Original Fear that started the cycle…is there such a thing? Is there ONE FEAR, that if we reassured it with mounds and mounds of love and support, would it go away and we would be, for the most part, fearless in life? I started to peel back the layers. Well, I’m fearful of this because this happened. And that happened as a direct choice and result of this situation. Fear begat fear begat fear begat fear…until you’re at the root of it…
have you ever thought of this?
I wonder…if we all peeled back the layers of self protection and puffery and blustery loud that we wear…if we got right down to the one thing that we are the most scared of in our whole lives…and put it out there. All of us, put it out there in the middle of my back yard, one on top of another on top of another…
THEN SET IT ON FIRE!!!
I wonder how that would be? So..when you come across something in the street that stops you in your tracks this weekend, and you think, I’m scared of that…just put it in your pocket. Save it. We’ve got ourselves a bonfire in our future…
This is us. Burning up our fear and dancing in the moonlight.
So. Anyways. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. What about you? Thinking about a holiday weekend? Me too, gentle readers. Me FREAKIN TOO!!! Here’s a little ditty to carry us off into the day…
this is todays NFTU that I saw AFTER I posted. Too good not to share:
The ease of change, Misti, is directly proportional to one’s willingness to reconsider what’s best for themselves.
I say let it be easy –
The Universe
Because, Misti, when change comes it always means there’s something better.
Misti Ridiculous 